cookie monster

UH OH... I memorized the Nestle's Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe. So much for any New Year's resolutions.

pearls of wisdom

Just got the word from the doc. I have a kidney stone in my right kidney. Apparently my body makes pearls. Great news! Looks like I have all future Christmas gifts covered. 

shave and a haircut... 2 bits

Yes, you are correct. The above drawing is probably the single worst drawing I've ever done of a hand. Its kind of freaking me out to look at it. But i drew it to illustrate this story so bear with me for a moment.

I shaved my arms this morning. I looked down yesterday at my hands as i typed and besides noticing that they looked eerily like my mothers hands.. which was disturbing enough... i noticed that my arms were crazy hairy! I had been wearing a sweater and the wind combined with the friction of pushing my sleeves up and down all day as the temperature changed in the room made my little arm hairs stand straight up! I looked like a werewolf! I decided right then and there that i would shave it off in the shower this morning so as to avoid any further electricity hair raising problems. So i did just that. I got the ol' baby blue BIC outa the cabinet and shaved it right off. While i was at it i went after my mustache. Might as well. I emerged clean as whistle. Soft and pink. Just like i like me. BUT! Much to my dismay! I missed a patch on my wrist. Right where that sorta weird knuckle looking thing is on the outside of your wrist? Yep. Missed it. So today i have a bunch of frizzy electric hair standing straight up in a small bunch on my right wrist. Should i stretch my hand out to shake yours today.. please look away. I'm a beast.

banana

Some people say that people look like their dogs. Michelle just got a new little dog she named Banana. I don't think they look alike at all.

caught cheating...

First of all, i have to admit that i cant draw toes. As you can clearly see. Second, i have to admit that i got caught cheating. Which is worse? I'll let you be the judge. Here's the story:

Normally, i go to this manicure/pedicure place down the street when i get a hankerin' to have pretty nails.  The ladies all know me by name. They are very sweet to me. And by nature I'm a very loyal person. And that goes for my toe nails as well. It just so happened that i was outa town recently and had to wear flip flops. My nails were a bit of a disaster so i popped into a nail salon for a quickie. You know...on the sly. I picked the same color i already had so nobody would know. Just a touch up really.... no commitment. I sat back, relaxed and started flipping thru a magazine. I began reading about some teen star's latest mishap when the woman working on me asked a question. I didn't fully HEAR the question so i just smiled and nodded and went back to the teen star nasty gossip. As she was finishing up i looked at my toes. OH NO! A Flower! She painted a flower on both of my big toes! I didn't get a flower at my usual salon! I never ask for a flower!!        Well, fast forward to the my next visit at the salon down the street. I walked in and everybody said, "Hello Sara!" I sat in the chair and submerged my feet quickly. I rummaged for a magazine. Trying not to get eye contact. The nice lady who always works on me came to get started. She pulled my foot outa the water... looked at my toes... and looked at me over her glasses. "Pretty flower," she said. Knowing I'd been caught cheating "Uh, yah.. pretty..." i said as i blushed. Then she lifted my foot and showed the other ladies at the salon... "Pretty FLOWER," she said. I kinda half smiled. She grabbed a cloth and started rubbing the nail polish off my toes. She rubbed really hard and said under her breath..."mmhum pretty flower is GONE." And then she switched her normal little tool kit with a different tool kit that was hidden under a cloth in her bucket. She pulled a pair of rubber gloves onto each hand and did the "snap" as she reached her forearms. Oh gawd. Are those the "fungus" tools? Am i gonna get the fungus???

I learned my lesson. I'll never cheat again. My toes belong to her.

the kiss

Last night Michelle and i decided to chuck the cooking utensils and make somebody else cook for us at a local restaurant. It was just one of those days, you know? As we walked thru the door we saw a couple we used to pal around with from our old neighborhood in SF. They were having dinner with her parents and then taking them to the Paul Simon concert at the Greek. FUN! We exchanged pleasantries and then adjourned to our own little table for two and enjoyed a delicious dinner. As the foursome finished their meal and made their exit they stopped at our little table to say goodnight. The husband John leaned in for a hug. I was seated at the table and was at a very awkward angle to hug somebody. My face somehow ended up sorta squished between his neck and his cheek. My face was stuck there. Pinned, really. For some reason i decided that in order to make the position of my face make sense it was a good idea to kiss him.         ?         I'm not a hug/kisser. I mean, i know some people do it. And that's fine. Although i don't like the air kissers with the pat, pat, pat on the back. That's weird to me. But anyway, i just don't kiss people when i hug them. Not my thing. So, yah... i kissed him. He pulled away and gave me a smile. Noooooo!!!!!!!!! No, No, No! It was a mistake! So now, every time i see him do i have to kiss him?  Is that our THING now?   Oh gawd.....

Fire

Michelle and Banjo and I went camping last weekend for Banjo's 5th birthday. Yay! Fun! Right on the beach off Highway 1 above Bodega Bay. BEAUTIFUL! We set up our little tent, hung twinkly lights in the trees, and got out the special treat bag for our birthday girl. Fun! Fun! Fun! and then......... the first rain drop fell. Humm... maybe its just really thick fog? I mean, we ARE on the beach in Northern California. Certainly NOT bikini worthy. We continued on with the party until our eyelids were too heavy to hold open and then hunkered down for the night. I heard the beating raindrops on the roof of the tent all night. But I wished them away. Hoping that by morning this little storm would have blown right on outa town. When we woke up the next morning our little tent was basically a swimming pool. We were wet, the dog was wet, the sleeping bags were wet. I told Michelle that as fun as camping on the beach would be any OTHER time... we needed to get the hell outa there and dry off. "OK, OK.. she said but can you make a fire for us first and I'll brew a pot of coffee?"        UH........Make a fire?? In the rain??? I DO have that primal fire thing, I must admit. I'm very proud of my fire making abilities. That I can keep my little family warm. But come on...its raining! And the wood is wet! And the newspapers are wet! And the matches are wet! And..... I'M WET! She looked at me with those, "I'm counting on you to save the day" eyes. "Well, I'll try" I said. And she happily scampered away to pack up our gear. The dog sat there looking at me. Judging me. I got out the wet newspaper and wadded it up into balls, stacked the firewood in the perfect tee pee shape just like my dad taught me. And pulled a wet match out the wet match box. And tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to light the match. nothing.        tried again.      nothing.       Michelle kept stealing glances at me. "I'm trying!" I thought to myself. She smiled at me and went back to work rolling up our sleeping bags. UGH. Strike the match.. nothing. At this point I'm more than soaked. My shoes are full of water. The dog is standing in a foot of liquid. Judging me..........I finally gave up. Its impossible. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! So I sloshed over to Michelle and gave her the bad news. "I just cant make a fire in this storm. I CAN'T!" Her eyes welled with tears and said...................... "But all the OTHER campers have fires."

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......................epic fail.

healthy

Last night Michelle and I went to an art show in downtown Oakland where she had a little piece hanging. As we walked toward the gallery we ran into an old friend of mine. Well, not really a friend. More of an acquaintance, I guess. She dated a buddy of mine for about 5 minutes. I always liked her. I thought she had it goin' on, you know? Very stylish and trendy and cool. One of those people who.. if they gave you the time of day you felt like you climbed up a rung on the social ladder. Yah, so anyway, I wasn't sure she'd remember me so I didn't try to get her attention. I just kept walking. But she saw me and recognized me and stopped me in my tracks. "Hey, Sara! So great to see you!" oh man.. she remembers me!! wow.... I stopped and gave her a hug and said it was great to see her too. And then she said it. SHE SAID IT! She said... "You look (awkward pause)........... healthy." WHAT???? I LOOK HEALTHY??????  What does that mean??? That means i look fat, right? That's what she meant!!! I mean, who says you look HEALTHY????

UGH, so last night i climbed back down a rung or two on the social ladder.

Wedding Singer

When scouting wedding locations you should check with that Yogurt shop across the street from the gorgeous restaurant you found for your ceremony. Just make sure your big day doesn't overlap "FREE YOGURT DAY with every Karaoke performance!" Especially when the days are hot and all the windows are open.

decaf

Michelle accidentally bought decaf coffee at the store. She decided to mix half decaf and half full-caf in our little coffee container and see if i noticed. Oh i noticed. I am literally half asleep.

flex

I just want to remind that guy who just walked by the window and flexed that just because a window is tinted and reflective on one side it doesn't mean people aren't on the other side watching him. Its a WINDOW!

I also want to remind that guy who just walked by the window and flexed that...... he's welcome to do that ANYTIME!

Titanic example of bad taste

Michelle and i were just at an outdoor festival in Oakland called "Art and Soul." There was a special area for the kids to play while the adults get loaded on Budweiser, listen to live music and shop for bad crafts. In the kid's play area there was a blow-up slide called the "Titanic Slide." This sounded interesting so I walked over to see it. I thought Michelle and i might push our way to the front of the line if it was big enough for us to slide down. As i got close i realized... the title Titanic wasn't in reference to its size. It was literally a replica of the TITANIC! The ship! The great maritime tragedy! And there were kids sliding down it and then plunging into the plastic blow-up ice burgh below!  wow.......... that's all i have to say about that. WOW! Who thought THAT was a good idea?

buns

I just went to the store and bought TINY hamburger buns...for no other reason than.. THEY'RE SOO DAMN CUTE!

the sandwich

Last night when I got off the train from work I went to Brennan's to get a Turkey sandwich. I was too tired to cook dinner. So I got in line and sorted out exactly what I wanted. Turkey on a sourdough roll with the bread dipped in that au jus stuff… and some of that horrible cafeteria cole slaw that I love so much and a slice of key lime pie. Mmmmmm… yum…………………. The man behind the counter made the sandwich and boxed it all up nice and neat for me and handed my order to the cashier. I whipped out my ATM card to pay. I was soooooo hungry and ready to dig in! She ran my card… uh… not working. Not working? How is that possible? My dinner was only 10 bucks……          SHIT! I've been so busy this week I forgot to transfer money from my savings to my checking! I only had like 7 bucks in my account. Well, not to worry. I had more plastic. So I handed her my American Express card and reached for my sandwich. The cashier pulled the sandwich back… just outa reach. Uh.. We don’t take American Express here.      SHIT!     I stared at my little box on the counter with that DELISH sandwich nestled inside. I reached in my pocket… my face going from bright red to an ash white…any cash? I pulled out a wadded-up mess of one dollar bills and some change. At this point a line had formed behind me. I was "that guy." I spilled my money all over the counter and counted out JUST ENOUGH to cover my bill. I grabbed my sandwich before she could say anything further and rushed out the door. That sandwich tasted soooooo good! But………. I probably wont go back to Brennans for a while :)

left or right

I play softball every Tuesday night for the Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks. The dugout is always full of Jr. woodcocks running around. In the middle of our last game one of the tiny tots came up to me holding her mommy's giant baseball glove. It nearly dwarfed her. She's 3 or 4 and has to be the cutest little girl on the planet. She said, "Sawa, which hand do i put this on?" So i said, "It goes on your left hand because you want to throw the ball with your right hand." She looked up at me.. those big baby blues staring deeply into my eyes... silence... and then she said, "Sawa, which one is my left hand?"

Dodged a bullet

My badge that lets me into the building at work stopped working yesterday. It happens periodically. I used to freak-out and assume i got fired. But, you know.. that's just my nature. This time i just waited by the door until somebody came out and i dashed inside. YAY! Of course, that meant i couldn't leave the building but at least i was inside. I went and talked to the office administrator who knows all things about everything and has magical powers to fix anything from printers to a bloody nose. She said my badge expired and i had to get a new one. Complete with a new picture. "Uh! Wait! A new picture???" I've had a terrible cold all week. "No! I don't look my best! I cant get a picture taken today that I'll have to carry around with me my entire career here!?"        She looked over her bi-focals at me and said.. "I'm afraid you will." And she made that YIKES face. So she walked me over to the new badge station and waited in line with me. When my turn came up the badge guy directed me to the little painted feet on the cement floor and said.. "Ok, stand there and we'll snap your photo."        I walked to my spot. Sniffled and wiped my nose. Breathed heavily thru my mouth and wiped some goop from the corner of my eyes.   He looked at me a little closer.  "You know, i think we can just use your old photo..."

YES! 

t-shirt

I got myself a new motorcycle for my birthday. I've never actually purchased anything that was brand spankin' new. You know, straight from the showroom floor? I had the best intentions of being a tuff guy and playing hardball with the salesman. My buddy Wesley is the master. He can talk any salesman down. If you wanted to sell him something...by the time he was done with you...you'd beg him to take it for free and then thank him for doing so. I've watched him do it time and again. So, it was my intention to follow in his footsteps and get a really great deal on the new motorcycle. I emailed the sales guy a few times before i showed up to buy the bike and told him it was my birthday and asked if he was going to give me a super great deal just to show me how AWESOME i am? He said not to worry. I was going to be VERY happy and i would feel AWESOME.           So fast forward to the day. My birthday. I showed up at the dealership ready to find the bargain of the century. He said it was really tuff but that his manager had approved a stellar deal for me.     REALLY!? GREAT! I said excitedly!    "Yes" he said, "You can pick out ANY t-shirt on the sale rack."    ?        huh? I get a t-shirt?        YEP! Any t-shirt you want from the sales rack.          some deal. i slumped over and went and picked out a t-shirt.

ok, so you knew this sentence was coming. 

"I bought a Harley-Davidson and all i got was this stupid t-shirt.

ice cream

What i learned today. If your boss is your friend on Face book... do NOT post that you are leaving early because you want to eat some ice cream.

glasses

Yes, that day finally came. The day my arm just wasn't long enough. I have to hold magazines, books, text messages... as far as my arms will stretch away from my body in order to read the words. I'm far sighted. I can see a monkey playing hide and seek a mile and a half away but i cant see my hand in front of my face. So today... i did it. I decided to wear the glasses i paid so much for a few years ago. AND WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!!! I can seeeeeeeee!!!! I can see you at your computer looking at me!!! Its a new day baby!!! And here's the best part.. you know, the only difference between Clark Kent and Superman were those glasses. So... I figure I might be able to fly when I take them off. I'm gonna go to the roof at lunch and give it a try... I'll let you know what happens.

cab ride

When we were traveling around Spain and Portugal we put a lot of trust in our taxi drivers. They know where they're going. We didn't.  So, upon arrival in a new town we'd hop in a cab and ask the cabby to take us to whatever hotel we had lined up for that night. For the most part this worked out just fine. Until we arrived in a town call Faro in southern Portugal. We had just emerged from the train station and were a weeeeee bit hungover from a few too many glasses of wine the night before. We had just finished a grueling 3 hour train ride and were ready to get to our hotel and lay down. We walked directly to the line of yellow cars out front, threw our bags into the trunk of the first cab in line and hopped into the back seat. Michelle told the driver the name of the hotel. "Oh, Si!" he said and started the engine. I settled in for a long ride thru a new city. He pulled away from the curb and into traffic for approximately 2.5 seconds. He then pulled back to the curb and cut off the engine. He looked back at us in the rear view mirror...expectantly. We looked back at him...baffled. Are we stuck? Did the engine die? Do we have a flat?     ?      Silence... just that look... in the rear view mirror. Finally he said with a Portuguese accent "We are here!"     HUH?         No, we're still at the train station...right? So i looked out the window and sure enough there was our hotel...right next door to the train station. That ride cost us about 3 bucks. Nice Mr. Portuguese cabby. Nice. You could have just pointed.

Lost in translation

Michelle and i don't speak Spanish or Portuguese which was a bit of a problem when we decided to take a trip to Spain and Portugal. BUT! Thanks to the magic world that lives in our iphones Michelle found an app that would translate anything we needed to say from English to any language we needed to speak. You just type in the sentence you want to say to a...cab driver...hotel receptionist...bartender... and presto! Out of the little speakers on the iphone comes the sentence for you in that language. Brilliant!       Or so we thought. In reality what happened was...we typed in the sentence in English and it spoke the same exact sentence back to us...NOT in Spanish but in English with a Spanish accent.      ?         What the hell? I could have done THAT! Michelle should have given ME the damn dollar she paid for that app.

trim

I cut my own bangs last night. Me + Scissors = MISTAKE

On a better note... Michelle and i leave today for a trip to Spain. Yay! We've never been there so if you have any tips please post them here for us to read on the plane. I'm pretty much planning this vacation the same way i got thru college. Pull an overnighter of study and then drink alot and cross my fingers that it will all work out.

spray paint

So, i used to feel sorry for toll takers. I used to think they had the worst job ever. I thought, "Wow, that would really suck to be trapped in that little booth all day." But I've recently changed my mind. I think being a toll taker would be HEAVEN compared to my NEW choice for worst job ever. The official WORST JOB EVER goes to the woman who had to give me a spray tan. Yep. I showed up at the spray tan place and she asked me to take all my clothes off and stand in the corner of the room. She handed me a hair net to bundle up my long hair. I followed her directions and stood naked before her on my mark...little painted footprints on the rubber floor. She gave me a quick run thru of what would happen...how to stand...and directed me to spin slowly in circles so as to get a nice even tan. And then it began... she pointed a hose at me and brown spray paint filled the room as i did a sort of Macarena dance in the corner. Spin, spin, spin and HEY MACARENA! This was, as you might imagine, THE most embarrassing thing I've done in a very long time. I'm sure I've done more embarrassing things while intoxicated but fortunately for me.. i cant remember them. This one is burned forever in my mind. As I'm sure it is for that poor spray tan lady.

train ride

Sometimes i ride the train home from work. There's not much to do to pass the time on the train except look out the window and let your mind wander. Here are some of the things i think while i'm on the train:


1. This train smells like Mayonnaise.
2. The guy behind me is snoring. If i bang the back of my chair really hard i wonder if i can wake him up? I'll try it.... BANG!             Bang, bang, bang!!!!!!         eh, nothin'
3. Yikes, Trains go thru some really nasty neighborhoods.
4. Hey, there's a bunch of kids peeing on the train as it passes!!!! Wow........ as disgusting as that is... I have to give it to 'em...they're pretty brave to get so close to the train with their little willy's exposed. I thought boys were more careful with their ding dongs. I would be if i had a ding dong.
5. Ugh, this train REALLY smells like Mayonnaise. I hate Mayonnaise.
6. The conductor guy is cute in his little "conductor guy outfit." I didn't think they really wore them. I wonder if he gets it dry-cleaned and the dry-clean lady feels sorry for him?
7. That lady across from me has gum. I found a quarter on the street the other day and i thought, "I'm gonna buy a gum ball with this quarter. But i never did.
8. Should i ask the lady for a piece of gum? But I'd have to ask for two pieces because i don't like how one tiny piece of gum feels in my mouth.         hummm........      NO! I cant ask her.
9. I hope Michelle and Banjo are waiting for me at the station! I hope she's wearing a dress and white gloves and a big hat just like in the movies from the 40's!
10. I see Michelle and Banjo! No dress, gloves and hat...but lovely to see them, just the same.

Stick

This morning when i walked outside our front door i noticed something a little different in the flower bed. There was a stick stuck in the ground. Just a plain brown stick. It seemed like somebody had intentionally jabbed it into the earth and left it standing there. Weird. So i asked Michelle if she had seen it since she's the green goddess in the family. She told me that she put it there because the neighborhood dogs were peeing on her baby flowers. 

Our conversation is as follows:

ME: "uh... ok... but why is the stick there?"

Michelle: "so the dogs will pee on it."

ME: "But how will they know to pee on the stick?" 

Michelle: "They always pee there. The scent is there. But now they have a stick to pee on rather than the flowers..."

I’ll let you know if the pee stick works. If it does, I’m going to go for a hike, grab a bunch of sticks, market them and sell them at home depot. I’m going to make a BAZILLION DOLLARS selling pee sticks!!!

kmart

Michelle and i are on vacation at a ski resort. They have a super cool outdoor hot tub with views of the slopes. Cant think of anything better than sitting in a hot tub in the middle of snow storm. Steam rising as the snowflakes hit the boiling water. BUT! I forgot to pack my swim suit. I know, I know.. what's the big deal? just go in naked! Well, that sounds swell but there are children lurking about and they really don't need the mental trauma of seeing me naked. We decided to go shopping in town for a suit. A ski town... right. And, of course... as you might imagine, nothing. I finally put my pride aside and decided to try Kmart. Last resort. AND! They had bathing suits!!!!!!! In the back corner. Away from anything resembling a mirror. The selection consisted of approximately 5 different versions of the MOM suit. Complete with skirt and daisies.

i bought it. i wore it. i live with the shame.

one piece

For Christmas I got Michelle a pair of those old timey long johns. You know, the kind with the butt flap you unbutton to go potty? It was kind of a joke gift... i had no idea she would actually wear them.. 

ALL THE TIME....

can i get a light?

Last night i woke up in the middle of the night smelling gas. I got up and quickly checked the stove. Everything was off. I opened all the windows and waited for a bit until the smell began to dissipate. I finally decided it was safe to go back to bed. In the morning Michelle asked why all the windows were opened. I told her that i had smelled gas in the night so i opened them to get fresh air in the house. She said, "Oh you did smell gas! We left one of the burners on and the spark didn't ignite so gas was leaking. But don't worry, i checked it by lighting a match."

uh..... 

WOW...I'm glad i survived THAT one!!

vertigo

I've had vertigo for about a week now. Sucks. Really sucks. I talked to the doctor about it and he gave me an exercise to do to help get rid of it. 

Get this.. this is the exercise:

Sit on the edge of the bed and THROW yourself down and SMASH your head against the bed. Repeat 10 times. This is to get some sort of ball bearing or something to roll around in your ear canal and move back into the right position. I think its just a doctor prank.

gullible

OK, I'm going to admit it. We believed them. We believed the news reports about the great storm of 2011 where San Francisco would be covered in a soft velvety blanket of snow. We believed that we would be able to make snow angels in the middle of our abandoned streets. That we could take the wheels off our skateboards and have banjo pull us on them like sleds. We made diagrams of the snowmen we wanted to make and broke out the snowflake cookie cutters. In preparation for the great storm I covered the motorcycle and lounge chairs and Michelle brought in all her baby plants and organized them in rows on the living room floor. We drove from store to store and gathered all the essentials, bolted the doors and readied ourselves for 3 days of cabin fever. And then.... we waited........ and waited...... and waited.      nothing.           not even a drop of rain.    its almost as disappointing as Lindsay Lohan's latest arrest. (almost)

so now we have an abundance of toilet paper and alcohol. Feel free to pop by anytime you need to go potty or need a shot of tequila. We're all stocked up.

frog soup

We went to a fancy spa-like place for Michelle's birthday. It's up the coast in a beautiful "off the beaten path" type area surrounded by gorgeous redwood trees and babbling brooks. It was one of those get aways where your goal is to leave the modern day behind and sort of get back to nature. Oh we got back to nature all right. In fact, nature cozied right up to us. We decided to go in the hot tub even though it was cold and raining. We grabbed a bottle of red and a couple plastic glasses, put on our swimsuits and robes and ran to the hot tub. We jumped right in! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! fun!! I popped the cork and poured a couple glasses. Aaahh... nice. Super warm bubbly water in the middle of a rainstorm. What could be better? Loved it. Until.. i noticed we weren't alone. Apparently the local amphibian residents of the spa had the same idea. And we discovered we had busted in on a partying bunch of frogs that had already claimed the hot tub. Now here's the question? Leave the hot tub to the frogs? or stay and enjoy a glass of wine in the rain with our new friends?      

I'll never tell.....

birthday surprise!

Today is Michelle's birthday! Yay!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

big head

I've decided to let myself obsess over one thing per day. Today you might think i would be obsessing about that guy on the other side of my cubicle wall who keeps sniffling and clearing his throat. While that IS very worthy of obsession. And increasingly annoying... No. Not today. Today I'm obsessing over the size of my head. My GIANT noggin. I've mentioned my giant head to Michelle and she very nicely tells me that it means I'm very smart...that there's plenty of room for a lot of brain power. But the fact that she agrees that my head is larger than normal means my head is GIGANTIC and much too large for my body. So.. as a result of my obsessing about it for hours...I've come up with a solution. I can not decrease the size of my humongous pumpkin head. That is not an option. BUT! What i CAN do is make my body of equal proportion. Sooooo... bring on the cookies! I've got some catching up to do!

the jacket

Last night Michelle and i went to Oakland's "First Friday Art Walk." Lots of local artists to check out in trendy art galleries, street vendors selling cool stuff and musicians doing their thang in the alley ways. I wore my super cool new cream colored leather jacket. Needless to say...i felt cool. Super cool. I put on my "art collector" persona and slowly strolled the avenues looking for a treasure. I kept feeling people rub up against my back. Michelle said she thought they were feeling how soft the leather of my super cool new cream colored leather jacket was. I didn't really give it a second thought. It was VERY crowded. No biggie.

When we got home i took off my super cool new cream colored leather jacket...and realized there was a huge SALE tag hanging on the back. 

So much for being super cool.

garden thief

Michelle and i went for a walk around the neighborhood today and noticed that one house down the street has a really fancy garden. Most houses in Berkeley have fancy gardens so its not that unusual to see some amazing stuff. But this house in particular had TONS of gorgeous things sprouting from every inch of their front yard. We stopped for a moment to take it all in. mmm...lovely. We looked at each other and suddenly sprouted horns on the tippety top of our heads. Little devils. We spoke in hushed voices. We'll come back after dark with some snippers and SNIP some of their plants to replant in our OWN garden. Hee hee hee... sneaky. They'll never know! We'll be quiet as church mice. 

As we walked away i noticed something out of the corner of my eye. A man. Oh no! The owner of the house was standing on his porch hidden from view! He'd heard the whole conversation. We quick stepped as fast as we could back to safety. Checking behind us the whole way for his Berkeley Garden Society posse coming to round us up. I was imagining them in their giant rubber boots, garden gloves and big floppy hats holding pitch forks and searching for us on horseback in the night.

needless to say... we wont be stealing any plants tonight. 

But tomorrow? 

One never knows...

winter

This particular winter in California is sooooo confusing.

(by the way, this pic is in response to the literally THOUSANDS of requests i receive daily to see me in a bikini.)

jiggle

I went for a run this morning. It was the first time i laced up the old running shoes and strapped on that steel trap of a running bra since before Christmas. Ooooooh. Let me just tell you. I have waaaay more jiggly bits than i remember. And the jiggly bits i dooooo remember are larger, in topiary-like shapes and have moved to random areas of my body.

damn Christmas cookies....

litter

There's a two story Target store down the road from us. I like to go there because they have this cool escalator for your cart. Right. Not just a people escalator but an escalator for your cart so that if you go upstairs you can take your cart with you. BRILLIANT! So Michelle and i did a little shopping on the first floor. We got some soda, hair dye and a 40 pound box of cat litter. Yes, 40 pounds. It was on sale. We didn't really need anything upstairs. But i love riding the escalator. Like its a ride at an amusement park. So we loaded up the cart on its very own escalator and rode up to the second floor. Love it. We turned right around and loaded the cart to go back downstairs. My plan was to do this over and over.. at least 12 times. Well, let me just stop here and tell you...there are no warning signs.. Nothing like, "Your cart must be over this height to ride this ride" or "You cant ride this ride if your cart weighs.. lets say.. 40.5 pounds."  So anyway, we load the cart on its track to come back down and off we go. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee... fun!!! until.. uh oh... i heard a kind of cracking sound. And then the escalator sort of "bucked." OH NO! Our cart was too heavy and released itself from the track! It started rolling! Crashing into the carts in front of it! Now ALL the carts on the track are releasing themselves and FLYING down the escalator toward the "Beat the flu" display below! People were frozen in disbelief as carts took off on their own! SMASH! BANG! CRASH! They all gathered at the bottom. Bunched up like stuck typewriter keys. By the time we got to the bottom floor it looked like one of those mass suicide photos. Complete with purple blankets and Nike shoes. At this point the escalator is completely broken and has stopped working. A really mean Target lady in her little red outfit came and gave us a "look." We dislodged our cart from the others. And slowly pushed it away. No proof we started the whole thing. They'll never know it was us. But from now on... I'll ride the "ride" BEFORE we get the cat litter.

jackhammer

Michelle and i are doing a little home improvement project that involves breaking up some cement along the side of the house. I got a jackhammer to do the job. Wow...now i know why there aren't many female jackhammer operators. 

Bouncy boobies!!!