Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I cut my own bangs last night. Me + Scissors = MISTAKE

On a better note... Michelle and i leave today for a trip to Spain. Yay! We've never been there so if you have any tips please post them here for us to read on the plane. I'm pretty much planning this vacation the same way i got thru college. Pull an overnighter of study and then drink alot and cross my fingers that it will all work out.

Monday, May 16, 2011

spray paint

So, i used to feel sorry for toll takers. I used to think they had the worst job ever. I thought, "Wow, that would really suck to be trapped in that little booth all day." But I've recently changed my mind. I think being a toll taker would be HEAVEN compared to my NEW choice for worst job ever. The official WORST JOB EVER goes to the woman who had to give me a spray tan. Yep. I showed up at the spray tan place and she asked me to take all my clothes off and stand in the corner of the room. She handed me a hair net to bundle up my long hair. I followed her directions and stood naked before her on my mark...little painted footprints on the rubber floor. She gave me a quick run thru of what would to stand...and directed me to spin slowly in circles so as to get a nice even tan. And then it began... she pointed a hose at me and brown spray paint filled the room as i did a sort of Macarena dance in the corner. Spin, spin, spin and HEY MACARENA! This was, as you might imagine, THE most embarrassing thing I've done in a very long time. I'm sure I've done more embarrassing things while intoxicated but fortunately for me.. i cant remember them. This one is burned forever in my mind. As I'm sure it is for that poor spray tan lady.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

train ride

Sometimes i ride the train home from work. There's not much to do to pass the time on the train except look out the window and let your mind wander. Here are some of the things i think while i'm on the train:

1. This train smells like Mayonnaise.
2. The guy behind me is snoring. If i bang the back of my chair really hard i wonder if i can wake him up? I'll try it.... BANG!             Bang, bang, bang!!!!!!         eh, nothin'
3. Yikes, Trains go thru some really nasty neighborhoods.
4. Hey, there's a bunch of kids peeing on the train as it passes!!!! Wow........ as disgusting as that is... I have to give it to 'em...they're pretty brave to get so close to the train with their little willy's exposed. I thought boys were more careful with their ding dongs. I would be if i had a ding dong.
5. Ugh, this train REALLY smells like Mayonnaise. I hate Mayonnaise.
6. The conductor guy is cute in his little "conductor guy outfit." I didn't think they really wore them. I wonder if he gets it dry-cleaned and the dry-clean lady feels sorry for him?
7. That lady across from me has gum. I found a quarter on the street the other day and i thought, "I'm gonna buy a gum ball with this quarter. But i never did.
8. Should i ask the lady for a piece of gum? But I'd have to ask for two pieces because i don't like how one tiny piece of gum feels in my mouth.         hummm........      NO! I cant ask her.
9. I hope Michelle and Banjo are waiting for me at the station! I hope she's wearing a dress and white gloves and a big hat just like in the movies from the 40's!
10. I see Michelle and Banjo! No dress, gloves and hat...but lovely to see them, just the same.