Wednesday, June 29, 2011

t-shirt

I got myself a new motorcycle for my birthday. I've never actually purchased anything that was brand spankin' new. You know, straight from the showroom floor? I had the best intentions of being a tuff guy and playing hardball with the salesman. My buddy Wesley is the master. He can talk any salesman down. If you wanted to sell him something...by the time he was done with you...you'd beg him to take it for free and then thank him for doing so. I've watched him do it time and again. So, it was my intention to follow in his footsteps and get a really great deal on the new motorcycle. I emailed the sales guy a few times before i showed up to buy the bike and told him it was my birthday and asked if he was going to give me a super great deal just to show me how AWESOME i am? He said not to worry. I was going to be VERY happy and i would feel AWESOME.           So fast forward to the day. My birthday. I showed up at the dealership ready to find the bargain of the century. He said it was really tuff but that his manager had approved a stellar deal for me.     REALLY!? GREAT! I said excitedly!    "Yes" he said, "You can pick out ANY t-shirt on the sale rack."    ?        huh? I get a t-shirt?        YEP! Any t-shirt you want from the sales rack.          some deal. i slumped over and went and picked out a t-shirt.

ok, so you knew this sentence was coming. 
"I bought a Harley-Davidson and all i got was this stupid t-shirt.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

ice cream

What i learned today. If your boss is your friend on Face book... do NOT post that you are leaving early because you want to eat some ice cream.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

glasses

Yes, that day finally came. The day my arm just wasn't long enough. I have to hold magazines, books, text messages... as far as my arms will stretch away from my body in order to read the words. I'm far sighted. I can see a monkey playing hide and seek a mile and a half away but i cant see my hand in front of my face. So today... i did it. I decided to wear the glasses i paid so much for a few years ago. AND WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!!! I can seeeeeeeee!!!! I can see you at your computer looking at me!!! Its a new day baby!!! And here's the best part.. you know, the only difference between Clark Kent and Superman were those glasses. So... I figure I might be able to fly when I take them off. I'm gonna go to the roof at lunch and give it a try... I'll let you know what happens.

Monday, June 06, 2011

cab ride

When we were traveling around Spain and Portugal we put a lot of trust in our taxi drivers. They know where they're going. We didn't.  So, upon arrival in a new town we'd hop in a cab and ask the cabby to take us to whatever hotel we had lined up for that night. For the most part this worked out just fine. Until we arrived in a town call Faro in southern Portugal. We had just emerged from the train station and were a weeeeee bit hungover from a few too many glasses of wine the night before. We had just finished a grueling 3 hour train ride and were ready to get to our hotel and lay down. We walked directly to the line of yellow cars out front, threw our bags into the trunk of the first cab in line and hopped into the back seat. Michelle told the driver the name of the hotel. "Oh, Si!" he said and started the engine. I settled in for a long ride thru a new city. He pulled away from the curb and into traffic for approximately 2.5 seconds. He then pulled back to the curb and cut off the engine. He looked back at us in the rear view mirror...expectantly. We looked back at him...baffled. Are we stuck? Did the engine die? Do we have a flat?     ?      Silence... just that look... in the rear view mirror. Finally he said with a Portuguese accent "We are here!"     HUH?         No, we're still at the train station...right? So i looked out the window and sure enough there was our hotel...right next door to the train station. That ride cost us about 3 bucks. Nice Mr. Portuguese cabby. Nice. You could have just pointed.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Lost in translation

Michelle and i don't speak Spanish or Portuguese which was a bit of a problem when we decided to take a trip to Spain and Portugal. BUT! Thanks to the magic world that lives in our iphones Michelle found an app that would translate anything we needed to say from English to any language we needed to speak. You just type in the sentence you want to say to a...cab driver...hotel receptionist...bartender... and presto! Out of the little speakers on the iphone comes the sentence for you in that language. Brilliant!       Or so we thought. In reality what happened was...we typed in the sentence in English and it spoke the same exact sentence back to us...NOT in Spanish but in English with a Spanish accent.      ?         What the hell? I could have done THAT! Michelle should have given ME the damn dollar she paid for that app.