Friday, July 24, 2015

bra

You know its time to stop eating the cookies when you sprain your wrist trying to clasp your sports bra.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Teeth

Michelle loses track of her appointments. The other day she thought she had a Gynecologist Appointment but it turned out she was scheduled for a teeth cleaning. Here's what she told the dental assistant.

"I got mixed up this morning and thought i had a Gyno appointment. I shaved but didn't floss. SORRY!"

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

50

So i'm guessing its a bad sign when your team's gear is on sale for 50% off halfway through the season.

Monday, October 06, 2014

Jaws

I'm going to share a secret with you. I'm going to eat a BIG jawbreaker on my way home from work tonight. Its so big that it won't really fit in my mouth but i'm going to do it anyway. And even though i'm feeling really fat these days i'm going to be happy! Yep, just me and my jawbreaker. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

In the name of Progress

And so it goes in the name of progress...
There is a store down the street from our little Berkeley house called Grocery Warehouse. Its where they sell the stuff that is JUST ABOUT to go bad, or didn't quite make the cut at the big grocery chains. Things are significantly cheaper and you bag your own groceries. No frills. You get the idea. Today i went by to grab some soda pop for cheap. Yes, I'm doing OK for myself but i still swing by for a deal every now and again. I always see the nicest people there. Today i shared my shopping experience with a single mom of 3 little girls who were digging thru the half off Popsicle display looking for their favorite flavor! An older woman stocking up on pantry staples and white wine. And a 6 and a half foot tall cross dressing man with full beard and stiletto heels cradling discounted hair products and a bag of cookies. This is the beauty in this place. We all come here and share the same roof for about 15 minutes without a second thought or second glance. Its my community. And as i walked outside i saw the proposed project sign. They will be tearing this building down to put up yet another 3 story condo catering to the young and up and coming. Progress. That's what they call it. I just call it sad.

Friday, August 29, 2014

let there be light

We scheduled an electrician to come over to the house today to take a look at our lighting. The lights are strangely dim in the entryway. We replaced the light bulbs so we figured it must be something bigger than we can tackle with our handy dandy Suzy homemaker tools. He took a look and said, "Did you try the dimmer switch?" 

Followed by a combined blank stare from us.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

BIRTHDAY

I tried on my birthday suit today and IT STILL FITS!!!!! 

Friday, June 20, 2014

BANJO

A typical dinner conversation in my house:

Michelle: "I've been very pleased with Banjo's Poops lately."
Me: "....?"

Saturday, May 24, 2014

clock

Michelle wakes up every morning like a puppy. Excited, excited, excited! Me? I prefer to sleep. I would sleep all day if i could but that's not an option living with a puppy lady. She hates that i want to sleep in. HATES IT. This morning when i rolled over to look at my clock radio i discovered that she taped over the actual time and wrote 10:30.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

glasses

Its official. I'm getting older. Last night was the first time i had to put my glasses on to read a sign in a dream.

Friday, February 21, 2014

skate

Every 4 years i suddenly become an expert judge of Ice Skating.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

family photo

We had a family photo shoot on Christmas day at my mom's house in LA. We did a group shot, a 4 generation shot with my mom, sister, niece, and grand nephew. And then it was time for the sister shot. I stood next to my sister Suzan and we smiled. Just as the shutter lens closed i heard my mom off camera to my right say, "Doesn't Suzan look beautiful?" What the hell mom? What am i? Chopped liver?

Friday, November 29, 2013

Hitchcock

A friend of ours posted on Facebook that there's a Hitchcock Marathon today! Michelle read her post to me and got very excited imagining all the movie characters running past her house.

Its a movie marathon on television.

overheard

Overheard while out Christmas shopping. Older couple walking together:

Husband: Ooooooooh you know what i want? I want one of those remote control Helicopters!

Wife: Yah, and then i can give you the "iFind my Helicopter" app.