Wednesday, November 19, 2014

50

So i'm guessing its a bad sign when your team's gear is on sale for 50% off halfway through the season.

Monday, October 06, 2014

Jaws

I'm going to share a secret with you. I'm going to eat a BIG jawbreaker on my way home from work tonight. Its so big that it won't really fit in my mouth but i'm going to do it anyway. And even though i'm feeling really fat these days i'm going to be happy! Yep, just me and my jawbreaker. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

In the name of Progress

And so it goes in the name of progress...
There is a store down the street from our little Berkeley house called Grocery Warehouse. Its where they sell the stuff that is JUST ABOUT to go bad, or didn't quite make the cut at the big grocery chains. Things are significantly cheaper and you bag your own groceries. No frills. You get the idea. Today i went by to grab some soda pop for cheap. Yes, I'm doing OK for myself but i still swing by for a deal every now and again. I always see the nicest people there. Today i shared my shopping experience with a single mom of 3 little girls who were digging thru the half off Popsicle display looking for their favorite flavor! An older woman stocking up on pantry staples and white wine. And a 6 and a half foot tall cross dressing man with full beard and stiletto heels cradling discounted hair products and a bag of cookies. This is the beauty in this place. We all come here and share the same roof for about 15 minutes without a second thought or second glance. Its my community. And as i walked outside i saw the proposed project sign. They will be tearing this building down to put up yet another 3 story condo catering to the young and up and coming. Progress. That's what they call it. I just call it sad.

Friday, August 29, 2014

let there be light

We scheduled an electrician to come over to the house today to take a look at our lighting. The lights are strangely dim in the entryway. We replaced the light bulbs so we figured it must be something bigger than we can tackle with our handy dandy Suzy homemaker tools. He took a look and said, "Did you try the dimmer switch?" 

Followed by a combined blank stare from us.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

BIRTHDAY

I tried on my birthday suit today and IT STILL FITS!!!!! 

Friday, June 20, 2014

BANJO

A typical dinner conversation in my house:

Michelle: "I've been very pleased with Banjo's Poops lately."
Me: "....?"

Saturday, May 24, 2014

clock

Michelle wakes up every morning like a puppy. Excited, excited, excited! Me? I prefer to sleep. I would sleep all day if i could but that's not an option living with a puppy lady. She hates that i want to sleep in. HATES IT. This morning when i rolled over to look at my clock radio i discovered that she taped over the actual time and wrote 10:30.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

glasses

Its official. I'm getting older. Last night was the first time i had to put my glasses on to read a sign in a dream.

Friday, February 21, 2014

skate

Every 4 years i suddenly become an expert judge of Ice Skating.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

family photo

We had a family photo shoot on Christmas day at my mom's house in LA. We did a group shot, a 4 generation shot with my mom, sister, niece, and grand nephew. And then it was time for the sister shot. I stood next to my sister Suzan and we smiled. Just as the shutter lens closed i heard my mom off camera to my right say, "Doesn't Suzan look beautiful?" What the hell mom? What am i? Chopped liver?

Friday, November 29, 2013

Hitchcock

A friend of ours posted on Facebook that there's a Hitchcock Marathon today! Michelle read her post to me and got very excited imagining all the movie characters running past her house.

Its a movie marathon on television.

overheard

Overheard while out Christmas shopping. Older couple walking together:

Husband: Ooooooooh you know what i want? I want one of those remote control Helicopters!

Wife: Yah, and then i can give you the "iFind my Helicopter" app.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Sexy

I took a break from work and walked to Whole Foods to make a little salad at their salad bar for lunch. As i neared the front door i looked into an old Lincoln parked in the handicapped spot. There was a tiny old man in the passenger seat. He was alone in the car. I'm guessing someone had left him there and ran in to grab something. He was a cute old man smiling at me so i smiled back. He slowly rolled the window down and started to speak. I leaned in to listen. He started making kissing sounds and said, "Hey looking good! smooch smooch smooch, come over here. Shake those hips! smooch smooch smooch. You're so sexy! Come here! smooch smooch smooch!"      I looked at him kinda stunned and then i chuckled and went on merry way. I have to tell you, even tho he was approximately 90 and had shrunken to about 3 feet tall, it made my day. I stood a little taller as i got my salad and proudly walked back to work with a sexy stride.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

pea in a pod

Michelle's mom came for a visit for a week. Its hard to summarize a week with Michelle and her mom. But I'm going to try. Here is a snippet of a conversation that could give you a glimpse into the wacky world i lived in:

Michelle's Mom: "What will the weather be today? should i carry a sweater?"
Michelle: "Twitter stock opened at 45!"
Michelle's mom: "45? I'll definitely need a sweater."

which leaves me dazed and confused.