Thursday, April 03, 2014

glasses

Its official. I'm getting older. Last night was the first time i had to put my glasses on to read a sign in a dream.

Friday, February 21, 2014

skate

Every 4 years i suddenly become an expert judge of Ice Skating.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

family photo

We had a family photo shoot on Christmas day at my mom's house in LA. We did a group shot, a 4 generation shot with my mom, sister, niece, and grand nephew. And then it was time for the sister shot. I stood next to my sister Suzan and we smiled. Just as the shutter lens closed i heard my mom off camera to my right say, "Doesn't Suzan look beautiful?" What the hell mom? What am i? Chopped liver?

Friday, November 29, 2013

Hitchcock

A friend of ours posted on Facebook that there's a Hitchcock Marathon today! Michelle read her post to me and got very excited imagining all the movie characters running past her house.

Its a movie marathon on television.

overheard

Overheard while out Christmas shopping. Older couple walking together:

Husband: Ooooooooh you know what i want? I want one of those remote control Helicopters!

Wife: Yah, and then i can give you the "iFind my Helicopter" app.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Sexy

I took a break from work and walked to Whole Foods to make a little salad at their salad bar for lunch. As i neared the front door i looked into an old Lincoln parked in the handicapped spot. There was a tiny old man in the passenger seat. He was alone in the car. I'm guessing someone had left him there and ran in to grab something. He was a cute old man smiling at me so i smiled back. He slowly rolled the window down and started to speak. I leaned in to listen. He started making kissing sounds and said, "Hey looking good! smooch smooch smooch, come over here. Shake those hips! smooch smooch smooch. You're so sexy! Come here! smooch smooch smooch!"      I looked at him kinda stunned and then i chuckled and went on merry way. I have to tell you, even tho he was approximately 90 and had shrunken to about 3 feet tall, it made my day. I stood a little taller as i got my salad and proudly walked back to work with a sexy stride.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

pea in a pod

Michelle's mom came for a visit for a week. Its hard to summarize a week with Michelle and her mom. But I'm going to try. Here is a snippet of a conversation that could give you a glimpse into the wacky world i lived in:

Michelle's Mom: "What will the weather be today? should i carry a sweater?"
Michelle: "Twitter stock opened at 45!"
Michelle's mom: "45? I'll definitely need a sweater."

which leaves me dazed and confused.

Friday, October 04, 2013

Zero

Last night when Michelle was telling me about her day she mentioned that she had quite an embarrassing moment! She didn't realize the size sticker was still on her new jeans as she walked around town. I've done similar things and could understand the embarrassment of wearing a size Large sticker on my clothes. But i looked at the stick figure before me and asked, "Well, what size did it say?" "Zero," she replied. "ZERO? I yelled. "YOU'RE EMBARRASSED TO HAVE A SIZE ZERO STICKER ON YOUR PANTS?"      Jesus. I'd wear that proudly. Never take it off. If i was ever a size zero I'd wear a sandwich board and walk around town ringing a bell yelling "I'm a size ZERO!" I'd hire a plane to pull one of those banners! I'd get a TV spot during the Super Bowl! I'd invite Kirstie Alley, Valarie Bertinelli, and Oprah over for a pool party and walk around in my TINY bikini with a size Zero sticker on it and when they asked how i lost the weight i'd just shrug. It just falls off me.

Size Zero, what the hell!?

Friday, August 30, 2013

potty mouth

Advice: When you stop on your hike to pee in what you think is an empty field, make sure there isn't a college student reading a book a couple feet away.

You could really ruin that kid's day.

Thursday, August 08, 2013

Tag

Apparently i had my shirt on inside out today. All day. 5 meetings, a couple casual conversations in the hall, chatting in the coffee line, talking to a lady in the bathroom who's leaving for Russia tomorrow and yet not one person found it necessary to say, "hey, i think your shirt is on inside out." Or, "Is that tag supposed to be on the outside of your shirt?" Yah, thanks. Makes wonder what else they haven't told me.............

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

things i'm afraid of


Irrational things I'm afraid of: #327

I'm afraid that the guy who's in a hurry in the super market is going to run into the back of my legs with his shopping cart and slice my Achilles tendon.

Monday, July 22, 2013

eye phone


 I apologize for all the non-sense texts i've sent over the years. I must admit. I couldn't read them. The letters were so tiny! I know, a true sign of aging. Today I found the font size button in the settings section in my phone. Its like a miracle! Now my texts are gigantic! Be careful what you write to me, though. I can actually read them now. And so can the guy across the street.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Yoga

"You just do it like this Sara!"
I went to my first Yoga class last night. Michelle told me it would be easy. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Flight 27

I was tired yesterday. Man, was i tired. I had been in New York on a business trip with my boss Heidi and we were both ready to come home. We had been in meetings for 2 days straight and were ready to take our work persona's off and get back to our easy breezy San Francisco lives. We left in plenty of time to make our 4:30 pm flight. We arrived at the airport, took our shoes off, got x-rayed, put our shoes back on and settled in at gate A2 for the hour wait for our flight. And then it began. The night that never ended. Heidi started getting text messages from Virgin airlines that flight 27 out of JFK to SFO was delayed. And delayed. There was a storm on its way up the eastern seaboard and yes, it was headed straight for us. And that wasn't ALL. The crashed airline at SFO from earlier in the week was still on the runway and was being investigated so runways were limited for all incoming flights. The gate agent would give us tiny bits of information about every 20 minutes as the flight's estimated departure grew later and later into the evening. We finally boarded approximately 4 hours later than scheduled. BUT! It was fine. I was excited to get off the ground and head for home. As we taxied out to the runway i got my trashy mags out to read, put my diet coke within reach and got ready for take-off. But the engines started sounding a little odd. Not broken, just sort of...quiet. The pilot came on the loud speaker and told us that he was working with the dudes in the tower to find a path around the storm. Wait, wait wait, i thought. How BIG is this storm? I mean shouldn't we just get off the plane? I didn't want to fly thru the storm of the century! The pilot said they were thinking perhaps a route down south? Or maybe up and over Canada? But they were working it out, not to worry. We'd be on our way soon. Sigh. I tried to calm myself by turning on my little virgin TV screen and watched Million Dollar Listing on Bravo. Time lapsed. At this point we're into the 2nd hour sitting patiently on the tarmac. All the other planes began turning their lights off and shutting down their engines. Another hour goes by. Periodically the pilot would come on the loud speaker and with the most upbeat voice I've ever heard explain that we weren't going anywhere. At this point we're into our 4th hour on the runway and I'm starting to lose it a little. I mean, seriously! Let us off!!!! Heidi had given up and started eating the special bagels she was bringing home to her husband and daughters. And that's when the lady in the last row breaks in half. Almost literally. She was an older woman and either had a medical issue that needed attention or she just plain went bonkers. So here come the Paramedics, fire engines and cop cars screaming across JFK toward flight 27. They had to dig up one of those metal staircases that they wheel out to let the President exit Air Force One. Here they all come! Bounding up the stairs on a mission to save the woman in the back of the plane. And we all wait patiently as they "save her life" and take her off the plane. So now the pilot comes on the loud speaker and tells us that if we want to leave the plane at this point they can bring a bus to our location and take us back to the gate. "But be VERY clear," he told us in a school Principal's voice, "If you get off this plane you CAN NOT get back on. You are on your own." I asked Heidi what she wanted to do. She thought we should stay on the plane. I agreed even though everything in my being wanted to run from the plane and take a god damn train across the country. Since the emergency staff took so long saving the lady we were told that the storm of the century was beginning to dissipate enough for our flight to squeeze thru a window. GREAT! Lets go! But first we need to get the catering truck out here to re-stock. WHAT? Its not like they've been feeding us lobster while we were waiting our 4 hours on the runway! They handed out tiny bottles of water and a cookie. Nobody ate enough to have to re-stock! And so we waited. Then we needed more gas and had to wait for the gas truck to find us. I started sweating and worrying that the magic window in the storm would close! Then i heard the engines fire up! Oh god! Could it be!? Are we really leaving? I wanted to high five the little old Asian lady sitting next to me. She must have had the same thought because she reached her hand out and we shook hands as we silently nodded yes to one another. We lined up behind 9 other stranded airplanes and finally got word from the pilot that indeed we were on our way. So my 6 hour flight home from New York turned into a 16 hour drama-fest. I was literally up for 24 hours. When we finally landed in San Francisco the whole plane erupted into spontaneous applause. I have to admit. I don't want to fly anywhere for a very long time. Next time, I think I'll walk.