Friday, August 21, 2015

Above

I'm finding that my attitudes about mother nature and her creations are changing as I get older. For example this morning I saw a group of Ducks flying above me. In my younger days i would stare and marvel at their ability to fly in a perfect V formation. But now I just think, "Oh god! Don't poop on me!"

Thursday, August 20, 2015

garden party

A few days ago I injured my left calf while running. Pulled a muscle. I went to my acupuncture lady and she put 3 "tacks" in it and told me to leave them there for 2 days. She also recommended that I run through gardens.  ?

Update: The tacks are out and the calf feels great. However, to my Berkeley friends, no need to worry...I did not run trample your daisies.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Gate

Michelle and I went on a quickie vacation and stayed in a cute little cottage with a fence around the property. The gate had a key code lock on it. Each time we entered Michelle looked up the code on her phone, typed it in and presto! The gate opened! As I was packing up the car to leave Michelle walked out onto the sidewalk with her bags and let the gate swing shut. I tried to grab it, but alas, it slammed. Our phones with the key code were still in the cottage. We were officially locked out. I went into immediate Macgyver mode! I walked the 6 foot high fence perimeter and looked for the best spot to climb it. I found a corner where I thought it was strong enough to hold me. I grabbed everything we owned from the car and stacked it up next to the fence. Suitcases, bags of chips, beer, anything I could find. I finally had what I thought was an amazing architectural hodgepodge of a staircase and was ready to climb it, jump over the fence and be the hero! I went back to the car to find one last piece of whatever to pile up for the final step. And the gate was open. What the? I walked down the path to the cottage where I found Michelle inside cleaning. I looked at her with my hands in the "What the hell?" position. "Oh," she said, "I remembered the code."

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

ponytail

So long ponytail. I will miss you. 

Monday, August 10, 2015

hole

Michelle has many talents. One of her most amazing talents is to be able to locate the only hole for miles around and fall in it.

Saturday, August 01, 2015

I cant believe its not butter

The other day we had a little get together with friends. We had some different style of cheeses but my favorite was a super delicious chunk of White Irish Cheddar. Michelle had placed all the cheeses left over from the party in a zip-lock bag and put it in the fridge. I thought the cheddar might be yummy on top of a bowl of Chili so I grabbed the cheddar and grated it over the top. I couldn't wait to eat it! mmmmyummmm.........I snuck a handful of the grated cheese and shoved it in my mouth! I love cheese. I mean, I LOOOOOOVE cheese! But.... this didn't...taste...like...cheddar. In fact, it didn't taste like cheeeeese. It tasted like......?.....BUTTER?! I stared at the pile of cheese and watched it slowly melt into a greasy oil slick. "MICHELLE! DID YOU PUT BUTTER IN THE CHEESE BAG????"      "Yah, why?"       "UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST ATE A MOUTHFUL OF BUTTER!!!!"  "eeew, why'd you do that?"   "UGH!!!"

Friday, July 24, 2015

bra

You know its time to stop eating the cookies when you sprain your wrist trying to clasp your sports bra.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Teeth

Michelle loses track of her appointments. The other day she thought she had a Gynecologist Appointment but it turned out she was scheduled for a teeth cleaning. Here's what she told the dental assistant.

"I got mixed up this morning and thought i had a Gyno appointment. I shaved but didn't floss. SORRY!"

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

50

So i'm guessing its a bad sign when your team's gear is on sale for 50% off halfway through the season.

Monday, October 06, 2014

Jaws

I'm going to share a secret with you. I'm going to eat a BIG jawbreaker on my way home from work tonight. Its so big that it won't really fit in my mouth but i'm going to do it anyway. And even though i'm feeling really fat these days i'm going to be happy! Yep, just me and my jawbreaker. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

In the name of Progress

And so it goes in the name of progress...
There is a store down the street from our little Berkeley house called Grocery Warehouse. Its where they sell the stuff that is JUST ABOUT to go bad, or didn't quite make the cut at the big grocery chains. Things are significantly cheaper and you bag your own groceries. No frills. You get the idea. Today i went by to grab some soda pop for cheap. Yes, I'm doing OK for myself but i still swing by for a deal every now and again. I always see the nicest people there. Today i shared my shopping experience with a single mom of 3 little girls who were digging thru the half off Popsicle display looking for their favorite flavor! An older woman stocking up on pantry staples and white wine. And a 6 and a half foot tall cross dressing man with full beard and stiletto heels cradling discounted hair products and a bag of cookies. This is the beauty in this place. We all come here and share the same roof for about 15 minutes without a second thought or second glance. Its my community. And as i walked outside i saw the proposed project sign. They will be tearing this building down to put up yet another 3 story condo catering to the young and up and coming. Progress. That's what they call it. I just call it sad.

Friday, August 29, 2014

let there be light

We scheduled an electrician to come over to the house today to take a look at our lighting. The lights are strangely dim in the entryway. We replaced the light bulbs so we figured it must be something bigger than we can tackle with our handy dandy Suzy homemaker tools. He took a look and said, "Did you try the dimmer switch?" 

Followed by a combined blank stare from us.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

BIRTHDAY

I tried on my birthday suit today and IT STILL FITS!!!!! 

Friday, June 20, 2014

BANJO

A typical dinner conversation in my house:

Michelle: "I've been very pleased with Banjo's Poops lately."
Me: "....?"