Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Woodcocks rise again!


Season opener tonight!
That's right kiddos! Get your popcorn and cracker jacks out! Its time to PLAY BALL!

I've cropped this 'toon so as to not show too much.
Since... there's a long season ahead of us.

Go you MIGHTY, MIGHTY WOODCOCKS!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

renewal

"Miss Pork! I said that your registration was renewed! Can you hear me? Miss Pork?!"

Amazing isn't it? I went to the DMV yesterday to renew my motorcycle registration and what do you know? It went smoothly. No mishaps. I didn't have to fax any papers to anybody. I didn't have a staple in the wrong place and have to unstaple it and get back in line. I didn't have to make phone calls to automated numbers in Sacramento. I didn't have to plead my case to anyone or explain anything to twelve different DMV workers. I didn't have to call anybody a jackass or a dumb f#$@. I was completely amped for a confrontation. And yet, I didn't get in a fist fight with the little man behind the counter. Nothing. I just paid my money and walked out with a little yellow sticker.

What a let down. I guess I'll just have to go find a meter maid...

Monday, March 23, 2009

Girl Scouts


I don't like Girl Scout Cookies. I don't like anything about them. I think they're nasty little cardboard cutouts. But the rest of America is NUTS for the things. Michelle picked up a box from the neighborhood girl scout and you should've seen peoples faces as we passed them on the sidewalk. Their eyes would dart to the box and scan to see what flavor we purchased. "Where's the girl scout?!" they'd shout. "Where'd you get that box!??" And then their pace would pick up...as if the scouts just might put the boxes of cookies back in hiding if they didn't get there fast! I don't get it. Those cookies are awful! Geeeeeez! You'd think we were carrying gold bricks!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

pussy cat theater

I was taking a bath this morning and noticed the neighbor's cat in the bathroom window. He was staring at me. Naked. He's pretty young. Not a kitten but not yet full grown either. I kind of felt like an unattractive Anne Bancroft playing it up to a young Dustin Hoffman's Benjamin Braddock. If he shows up in the window again tomorrow morning I'll put some Simon and Garfunkel on the turn-table and invite him in... MEOW.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

supercross

I helped my neighbor learn how to ride her motorcycle this weekend. I helped her learn how to ride it right into the rear of a parked car.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

lay-offs

That's it! That's the last straw, America! When Wall Street crumbled i thought, "Well, those boys will be alright." And then Main Street fell. And i thought... "America is tuff.. Main Street will bounce back." But now? Sesame Street? There were lay-offs on Sesame Street!! NO! Where will the Cookie Monster get his cookies? Will Oscar The Grouch have to pick up shifts at the DMV? Will Burt and Ernie finally downsize to that one bedroom apt they've been talking about? Oh No! Say it ain't so!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Blow out!

I'm just wondering who the genius was who engineered my running bra. Imagine if you will, I'm running down a busy street filled with businessmen on their lunch break and BOOM! Bra Blow-out! One of my ladies, my right one to be exact; busts free of her bindings and starts dancing about like a crazy Hooters gal delivering hot wings! So i stop and do a little R and D on the situation and discover that the Bra i was wearing is simply attached by Velcro. Are you kidding? These girls of mine need stitching. They need EXTRA stitching! With a double layer of super glue for Pete's sake! Velcro cant keep these gals down! I wrangled the right one back in and left the businessmen to their hot wing fantasies. Next time I'll double check the fastening techniques of the bra makers before i make my purchase.

Friday, March 06, 2009

cat bath

Lately we've been hearing all kinds of noises coming from the bathtub in the middle of the night. Every night around 2 or 3. Its getting really annoying. We think its one of the cats playing with something. So, last night Michelle set a trap. She filled the tub with about 4 inches of water. We went to bed... and waited. Sure enough, around 2 AM we heard all hell break lose in the bathroom and a soaking wet kitty came running.

Gotcha Roscoe!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Victoria

I love it when frumpy little ladies pack their sack lunch in a Victoria's Secret bag.
It just makes me smile.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

switch

This is my apology letter to my upstairs neighbor. Michelle and i blew a fuse in our apartment this morning and i went down stairs to flip the little switch. Its clearly marked. This isn't rocket science for Pete's sake. I know how to flip the fuse switch back on. Or wait.. maybe it IS rocket science. I flipped the switch and walked back upstairs fully expecting Good Morning America to be blaring, the lights back on and a nice steamy hot pot of coffee ready to go. Nope, it was still dark and deathly silent as i walked in the door. Hummm... I guess i did it wrong. Back down i went into the bowels of our building. "FLIP." Back on... ok, this time the TV will be back nice and loud and we'll have lights and yummy coffee. But again i walked into the darkness. Ugh! What the hell? Michelle said i must be doing it wrong. DOING IT WRONG? You CANT do it wrong. Its just a flip of a switch! So this time she followed me. I showed her EXACTLY what i did... I over emphasized my movements. See, you just find apt G on the grid and flip the little switch. She shook her head in disgust. That's NOT G, that's N!

So, uh, sorry neighbors in apartment N. I'll reset your clocks if you want.