Monday, September 29, 2008


Friday, September 26, 2008

easy like sunday mornin'

I love Fridays. Fridays are OH SO CLOSE to Sunday.
And Sunday means FOOTBALL!!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Which one's the Jackass?

Continuing on with our camping theme... This is a picture Michelle took of me while we were on our little trip. Well, THIS isn't the picture. THIS is a cartoon! Silly goose! But I have a picture that looks just like this on my camera at home. Me next to a donkey. Yep...Me next to...a...donkey. "Why?" you might ask yourself, "would ol' porkluck take a picture all snuggled up to a donkey?" Perhaps a nice photo for mom's mantle at Christmas? Maybe a new photo for my badge at work? Yah, I'm with you. I actually have no idea why i took a photo with a donkey.

Except for the possibility that i may have been drunk.
A very STRONG possibility.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Pepe Le Peu

We had visitors in our campground....

Friday, September 19, 2008

one moment please...

Enjoy the test pattern until i get back from a little camping trip. I packed my swim suit but don't worry, I'll conveniently misplace it before i get to the river.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008



OK, maybe not the world...
but we are the champions of the Berkeley Co-ed C league!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

update: 4:44 pm

Mark Phelps

That's my friend Mark. He likes extravagant things. Like fancy shoes and expensive watches. He saw the Olympics and wants to buy the kind of suit Michael Phelps wore. Yes, its true. He wants that speedo. He wants to WEAR that speedo. But his girlfriend put her foot down on this one. First..... he has to learn to swim.

Look out London 2012! There's a new poster boy on the horizon!

Monday, September 15, 2008


I decided to shave my legs this morning so that when i go to the gym today they won't mistake me for one of those Geico cavemen. For some reason we have a bag full of Bic razors in the house. You know, the kind you buy for like 2 cents a piece? I tried to use was as if i just had a plain razor blade in my hand. Slice! Dice! By the time i was done i had gaping wounds all over my legs. Michelle told me to put lotion on to stop the pain. "AAACK! Now its burning!!!" I yelled! " My legs are on fire!!!!" I rummaged thru the medicine cabinet for band aids. All we had were those gag gift band aids with little pieces of sushi printed on them. I was jumping up and down in agony trying to get the band aid wrapper off. Gag Gift band aids don't have the easy to use tab that regular bandages have. I finally got one loose from its wrapper and stuck it to my leg to stop the bleeding. Of course, now that i had lotion all over they wouldn't stick. I'd put one on and then go to get another one and the first one would fall off. Over and over.. put one on.. one falls off. I finally gave up and just put my pants on. I have no idea whats happening under the material. And i cant wait to go to the gym and find out. Is it better to look like a slasher film victim than a caveman? I'll let you know...

oh, and by the way, to top things off i walked out of the house this morning and michelle said, "Hey, whats that stuck to your shoe? Oh, its a sushi band aid of course. At least it sticks to SOMETHING!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Avon Breast Cancer Walk

That's my sister Suzan. She will be walking in the Avon Breast Cancer Walk in LA tomorrow. They walk something like 37 miles in 2 days! Sheeeesh! That's a loooooooong walk. Her team has raised around 20,000 dollars! Good work Suz! I'll be sending good thoughts your way tomorrow!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Train from Hell

Last night i had a little party to go to after work and got a ride there. So i left my bike in the garage at work. That meant that this morning i had to take the train to work with just about EVERY other citizen in San Francisco. I was on the platform and had to let 4 packed trains go by before there was even a crack to squeeze into. Now i remember why i started riding my bike in the first place. I'm not good with that much stress in the morning before my second cup of coffee.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


In 1961, times were slower, man. We were just coming out of the 50's.. you know.. Happy Days... ice cream parlors, housewives in pretty little dresses? The Kennedy's were in the White house. Apparently, so was Marilyn Monroe. And the Vietnam War was only a twinkle in Dick Nixon's eye. Easy man, easy times. We were in no hurry. We were takin' the slow road. That's the year Michelle's baby blue VW bug was born. It wasn't created to go fast. It was created to look cute and take it's time exploring the highways and byways of this world.

Fast forward to last night. On the freeway. Everyone in a hurry to get to.. whatever the hell they had to get to in such a damn rush. And me, in that sweet little bug... chuggin along at 55. CANT YOU SEE THAT I'M IN AN OLD CAR??? OLD CARS DON'T GO 90 ON THE FREEWAY!!! Why oh why must you ride my bumper and then wave your fist in anger as you pass??? Why must you look at me with disgust as you wizzz by?

Come on, man.. lets all just slow it down.

Monday, September 08, 2008

football season

Football season is back!!!! Football season is back!!!! Football season is back!!!! Football season is back!!!! Football season is back!!!! Football season is back!!!! Football season is back!!!! Football season is back!!!!

Friday, September 05, 2008


Dear Mr. Barker,
I am terribly sorry to have announced your death prematurely. I hear you are simply in retirement and not dead. Again, I am sorry for any discomfort my prior post may have caused you. Please enjoy a gift of your choice. I can send a stemware upright piano...a 3 night, 4 day vacation in ACAPULCO!!!.. or... A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. please spay and neuter your pets.


Recognise those sexy eyes? Yah, that's me. I'm back from LA. It was so freakin hot down there i melted. I absolutely melted. I'm nothing but a puddle now. But, on a good mom is doing great. Apparently she's bionic now. And she has a gigantic zipper going down the middle of her leg where she could hide spare change if she wanted. It was nice visiting with her...and getting caught up with "The Price is Right." We watched it every morning at 10 am before she took the Percocet. That game show hasn't changed a bit since i was kid. Well, except that Bob Barker is dead. Other than that? Same. I'm going to call her each day at 10:48 to hear what the showcase of the day is and to yell out my bid. I'm hooked!