fiber

This is my favorite quote of the week. Attributed to my co-worker Myra.

"UH OH! I don't think that fiber rich cereal was such a good idea!"

the streak

THE WOODCOCKS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks to James and his acrobatic defensive play. (that's James shown above) We wore Black last night and scared the be-Jesus outta the other team.

Yah baby, keep the streak alive!

Beatbox

Michelle has decided that it would be cool to be a beatboxer. For those of you who don't know what beatbox is...you basically make the same sounds a drum kit makes...only you make them with your mouth. It sounds pretty cool if you do it right. Michelle looked it up on wikipedia and they actually teach you one step at a time how to form the sounds. So now i get to hear her practicing. Like that's not annoying. At one point in the evening she disappeared into the bathroom and took a bubble bath. I could hear her doing the bass drum and symbol sounds. But it didn't really sound like a bass drum and symbols. It sounded more like a tuba player in a marching band who spits a lot.

kitty work force

A lot of times there are people standing outside the train stations in San Francisco giving away free samples of stuff. I've gotten things like itty bitty Cliff Bars and tiny packs of Trident. I even got a travel size pouch of Advil...which came in handy for reasons i wont divulge at this time. So, this morning there was a group of people handing out sample size packets of cat food. Cat food? The signs they were holding had a big green circle that screamed, "Try it today!"

Hummm.... did they want people to try it or were they waiting for a train full of workaholic kitties to disembark.

hazard

Michelle and Banjo and i are going to try out our new camping skills. We learned a lot from our test run in the living room. Now we know you have to zip up the tent at night or you might find a cat on your back. And i hear they have bigger cats in the woods than we do in the house. Anyway, we're off to a campground in Big Sur...which as most of you know...pretty much burned down. I'm worried the scenery might look a bit like a Tim Burton movie set but at least the ground will be nice and warm to sleep on!

Bad Back

We slept in the tent on the living room floor last night. Now i walk like this...

ORANGE!

We did it! The Woodcocks Won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The curse has been broken!!!!!!!!

tent

Michelle and i bought a tent last night! I haven't been camping since i was a kid. But we're excited to give it a try. We're going to do a test run tonight and camp in the living room. We'll tell ourselves ghost stories, have a sing-a-long and roast marshmallows over the stove top. FUN!

banana peel

Did you know that you really CAN slip on a banana peel?

and did you know that it really IS funny as hell?!

Afro

Last night i had a dream that my grandma (who passed away years ago) came to visit me. She came with important information to give me. Maybe some sort of path to success or the keys to unlock the secrets of the universe. Perhaps she was here to save me from some impending doom! I knew whatever it was she was here to tell me was SUPER important. But all i could do was stare at her giant Afro. Why does grandma have an Afro? We're Irish.

sorry grandma.. can you come back again? I missed it.

0-3

The Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks tried out the green monster idea. Green t-shirts are much more fierce than purple! We took to the field like great green warriors. I, personally, was summoning the oh so powerful television god, "The Jolly Green Giant." Surely he must have some magical powers. After all, you cant eat THAT many vegetables and not have something to show for it. Alas, we fell behind 11 to nothing in the first inning. We were shaken but not stirred. We fought all the way back to 11-10. The opposing team had a fan.. one fan... who, in the final inning...brought out a bullhorn! A bullhorn! And yelled at us! Keep in mind this is C league in a park on a Tuesday night. So out comes the bullhorn......... That was it.. the Mighty fell. We could handle the other team. But not the other team's fan.

crock pot

I cooked a roast last night in the crock pot. I let it do its thing overnight. I was going to put it in the fridge while i was at work today but Michelle convinced me that it would be fine to just leave it out on the counter. Is that OK? Are you supposed to do that? I keep imagining bacteria carrying crock pot monsters crawling all over it and leaving deposits everywhere. If you don't hear from me for a few days... they got me.

munchies

I'm sure you've all heard the news that most of California is on fire. I keep hearing reports of certain brush fires being like 12% contained...18% contained...and i keep wondering why its taking so long for the fire fighters to get them 100% contained. Until i talked to my neighbor. He's wise in all things cannabis. He told me that the areas they're having the most trouble with have HUGE pot fields. Well no wonder they haven't doused them yet. All the firemen are high...leaning on rocks, sharing munchies and staring into the flames for hours.

skinny jeans

Michelle and i went shopping for skinny jeans. Well, SHE was shopping for skinny jeans. I'm not skinny. And girls who aren't skinny just look sad in skinny jeans. So anyway, the sales lady told her that they stretch out so she should buy a size SMALLER than she normally wears. I was walking around the store shopping in the "big girl" section when i heard a very quiet.. very faint, "help" coming from the dressing room. This is what i saw when i peeked in the door. She was laying down, pulling and tugging and pulling some more.. stretching them.. trying her darnedest to get first her legs in and then the next struggle.. to get the things buttoned. Finally, after sucking her tummy in so that it was nearly an inch around.. she buttoned them! With the jubilance of a college football cheerleader she yelled, "There! I did it! They fit! I'll take 'em!"

I'm kind of glad i cant wear skinny jeans. Too much work.

0-2

The Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks decided to try wearing purple this week. I don't like the color purple. Not the movie...I'm fine with the movie... its just the color i don't really like. I hate to say it but i think purple might be our color. We only lost by 1 run last night. 11 to 10. Not bad! I think we're on our way to the victory circle!

The answer is yes.

I get asked at least 3 times a day if I'm growing my hair out. Yes. I am. I'm on a quest for a ponytail. I drew myself here with them to see how I'll look. Pretty cute, i think. But the fact that people keep asking about it makes me wonder... should i get it cut? Girls who have the ability to put their hair in a ponytail always seem so cool to me. Kinda like guys who can grow mustaches, ya know? I could probably grow a mustache, come to think of it, but that's another story. Take Mrs. McCain, for example. She had short hair and was sort of boring looking...and certainly no mustache! But once she grew her hair out, threw that pink baseball cap on and crammed her long flowing locks thru the back of that hat? She reached a higher plain than us short haired girls. Instant cool. Yah baby, I'm going for the ponytail!

fly trap

I discovered that my pants were unzipped. I probably went to the restroom 2 hours before i noticed the air whooshing down the inside of my pant legs. So, that means that my jeans were unzipped for QUITE A WHILE. This was Saturday afternoon and I'm still thinking about it. How many people saw my underwear flapping in the wind and snickered. Not even caring enough about a fellow human being to point and make that "zip it up" gesture. I would have smiled and mouthed "thank you." Wiping my brow and doing the roll of the eyes look you do when you're embarrassed. Instead I'm left wondering.. just who saw my panties?

celebrity circus

Imagine my delight when i changed the channel on the boob tube last night and found the celebrity circus!! Wow! What a messed up show! Has-been TV stars squeezing themselves into leotards and flying around on a trapeze! What could be better!? I guess the guy who played Peter on the Brady Bunch back in the 70's flew off the thing in practice and broke his arm. This is the real deal. They really make them do these stunts! But here's my favorite part.. they still made poor 50 year old Peter come out in his purple spandex outfit to tell the audience he could no longer compete. He's old.. he couldn't just wear jeans and a t-shirt?

Oh yah, this show is going to entertain me all summer!

SUMMER SEASON!!

We, the Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks had our season opener last night. The mighty took to the field with the confidence of great warriors. We wore bright red t-shirts to scare our opponents. Scare them we did! I could see the fear in their eyes as they rounded 1st base on their way to second base.. and then third.. and then home plate to score. Fear overcame them as they hit homer after homer. Believe me, they will remember this night and never beat us 28 to 3 again. Never.

pancake

I went in for my first mamogram yesterday. First they squish your boobie from top to bottom...til its nice and flat. Then the little machine turns on its side and squishes it from side to side...til its flat. Really flat. Flat as a pancake flat. I didnt know my boobies could get that flat. It didnt hurt. It was just kind of a weird thing.

I kinda liked it...