Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Evil Operator

There's something strange going on with the escalators at the embarcadero Muni station. Every morning i get off the underground train and walk toward the escalator... just as i reach the first step.. it stops. DEAD. No movement. So i have to hike up to the next floor. I think there's an evil spirited escalator operator who waits for the big fatties like me to approach and suddenly hits the STOP button. Then he laughs uncontrollably as he watches us huff and puff our way to the top.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Mainly Ucaring Neurotic Individuals

OK - have you ever gotten on, say, the #22 Fillmore, a/k/a the 22 Fellini!? This is usually one of those buses that's being driven by someone with a set of press-on nails that would make the Dowager Empress of China envious; you know, each claw rivals a Velociraptor's talons.

As you cram yourself on to the over-filled dirty conveyance and flash your pass - she doesn't even turn her head to look at you - she doesn't want to let the cell phone that's permanently stuck between her head and her shoulder drop. Invariably, she's having a heated
argument/conversation with whomever is on the other end (probably the one from DPT who cruises around the Haight full of Hate).

Her majestic claws are splayed across the bus's steering wheel, unbent - for fear that the expensive finish is gonna chip - so she's handling the wheel like it's a hot pizza, as she weaves in fits and starts around the double-parked UPS truck with its driver sitting there - you guessed it - with a cellphone stuck to his ear.
Meanwhile the passenger standing next to you is giving you that: "Stop fondling me, you pervert." look.

So now, the little old lady gamely tries to clamber on to the bus, and the driver with a roll of her eyes that indicate: "OK - I lower the bus - grumble grumble.
No sooner does the little old lady make it to the top step than the driver guns it and the hapless old gal is shot like a cannon ball into the standing passengers. Now, Somebody really IS fondling me!

Then!!....for some reason only known to MUNI, everybody is herded OFF the bus and told to catch the one that is coming right behind it; you know, the one that looks like it's picked up passengers all the way from Kinshasa to Menlo Park!

Of course, MUNI has solved this inconvenience by bringing double-decker buses on to certain routes. I can't wait to see how things play out up in the penthouse level.

So, the next time that the escalator suddenly stops as you approach it, put your arms akimbo, and block it with your considerably girth; make as many commuters as you possibly can, pile up! As an angry milling mob vainly tries to get past you, it may register, and Damian may press the "go" button - to avoid an international incident.


P.S. you can always tell which tourists are from countries like Switzerland, Germany, Belgium, Spain and Austria - they have that: "This is SO third-world!" looks on their faces.

3:31 PM  
Blogger pork luck said...

i was wondering what took you so long to post a comment.. now i understand..

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry; it was supposed to read Uncaring.


5:01 PM  

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