confused

Banjo is a girl. I'm fairly certain of that fact. But she lifts her leg and pees on stuff. Do you think having two moms has screwed her up? Does she need doggy therapy?

taller

I've been noticing lately that Michelle seems taller. I don't think she's been wearing higher heels. Is she having a mid-life growth spurt? or...wait...

AM I SHRINKING????????????

meeting

Do you ever worry that you'll get a sudden case of Tourette's Syndrome in meetings? I do. I worry that one of these days i'm not going to be able to stop myself and i'm going to yell... BORING!

paste

Whoa! Now THAT'S dangerous!

the closet

I was looking for my motorcycle jacket this morning. I thought it might be in the front closet so i opened the door and...discovered where Michelle keeps everything.

and i mean, EVERYTHING.

urban bandits

A couple weeks ago there was a news story about a woman who was chased and attacked by a pack of raccoons. Apparently, they jumped from the trees like little monkey ninjas and tried to take her jewelry! They kidnapped her dog and then drove off into the night in their tiny '57 Chevy. OK, OK.. i made that part up. BUT! The story was nearly as ridiculous. Michelle and i LAUGHED as we heard the news report. Silly. Raccoons? Attacking PEOPLE?

Fast forward a week to the night before trash day. We were rolling out the bins to the sidewalk when we heard some weird scratching noises down the street. It was after sun down so it was hard to see. I could make out the shape of..........HOLY CRAP! A pack of raccoons were racing toward us!!!! They were pissed off!!! And wanted our jewelry. Remembering the news story we turned and ran as fast as we could to the house! 

I just want to humbly apologize to the poor raccoon attack lady. 

Those little dudes are really scary.

slap

So the Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks won the Berkeley Rec C League Championships last night. It was a hard fought battle complete with a miraculous comeback by our injured second base(woman) who hit the winning run. It all happened in slow motion...there should have been "The Natural" movie soundtrack playing in the background. We're trying to get the rights to the story and have Lindsay Lohan play our star. You know, after she finishes rehab, of course.

But this morning I'm left with an overwhelming sense of loss. The season is over and we don't rev up our softball engines again until March. I'm not mourning the loss of the game. I'm mourning the loss of the appropriate venue for a good slap on the ass.

funny

My back hurts. I slept funny.

small world

Sometimes my dog Banjo and i like to sing when we're alone in the car. We like to sing really loud. This morning we were impersonating Richard Nixon singing "It's a small world."

trick

We didn't get any trick or treaters at our door on Halloween. NOT ONE STINKIN' KID! and we stocked up, man. We were ready. We had BAGS of candy ready to go. And nothin'. Nobody. NADA. 

so now? I'm a strung out mess. Twix! Snickers! Reece's cups... you name it..i'm eating it. At an alarming rate. Fists full. I cant stop myself!!

So thanks batman. Thanks Harry Potter. Thanks 21st miner. 

Yah, thanks...for the extra 12 pounds on my thighs.

the cat

The other day i heard the dogs next door barking like crazy. I went out on the back deck to see what was going on and found my cat Roscoe jabbing his fluffy little arm at the dogs under the fence. 

That dude's a bad ass! Not the smartest member of the family. But a BAD ASS!

20 bucks

uh oh...

motorcycle

Michelle wouldn't let me ride my motorcycle until the health insurance from the new job kicked in... Cant imagine why..........

ahhh.. happiness is health insurance.

the bus

I take a bus home from work sometimes. I work like 4 years away from home and so its a LONG ride. Last night we drove home in a rain storm. Kinda sketchy. I really wanted the bus driver to pay attention but he kept getting phone calls in his little blue tooth ear piece. He was distracted and i was freaked out. I was sitting in the front row so i was watching out the HUGE glass window as we swerved back and forth. In and out of traffic. Nearly crashing into the cars in front of us. Here's an excerpt from his phone calls:

"Yah, the Doc said i have to come into the office tomorrow." (other person talks..probably concerned) "Yah, he says i have a VERY serious bacterial infection and i MUST come into the office at 4:10 tomorrow." (other person talks..probably saying "HUH?") "Yah, the doc says i have a bacterial infection in my BLADDER. DAMMIT! I TOLD YOU SOMETHING WAS WRONG!"

OH GAWD!!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hat

A 3 year old can really help your self esteem if 

you ever doubt your outfit choice for the day.

Squirrel softball

This morning Michelle told me i needed to do a new post because the last one wasn't drawn very well and people might think i cant draw. I always...sometimes...appreciate her blunt delivery. The problem is my scanner is busted and i haven't had a minute to get a new one. So this little drawing was done right in the computer. Not tooooo bad...

anywhooooo... the story that goes along with this is as follows:

Michelle planted a bunch of sunflowers in the back yard. They grew and grew and the faces got HUGE! And there were hundreds of sunflower seeds ready for harvesting. Once harvested, a little salt and an hour in the oven and PRESTO! I save 99 cents on a bag of sunflower seeds for my next softball game. That is unless SOMEONE gets to the seeds first! I came outside this morning and found tons of empty shells on the patio. Apparently there was a squirrel softball game last night and those little buggers ate all my seeds! Dammit!

I'm not really mad about the seeds. 

I'm mad that i missed watching squirrels play softball.

the tv

Not sure if you can sort out what's going on in this cartoon. The drawing is a little rough this week. But...we got a new TV. You know, a really big one...the kind that has so many wizbangers and touchmatics that it basically lets you talk to the astronauts on the moon? Its amazing. I held on to an old TV from the 80s. It was my friend. We watched Superbowls and cried through a few election cycles together. We watched wars right in our own living room. Yah. It was my friend and we'd been through a lot. I put it out on the curb for the guy with the big TV truck to come by in the morning and round it up. Then i plugged in the new TV and sat back and let the show begin.

I couldn't help but think about my buddy out there. On the curb. In the cold. Surely it saw me through the living room window. Laughing at Seinfeld with someone new. It must have broken its tiny tube of a heart.

The next morning the TV of my 80's, 90's and 2000's was gone. My friend. Was gone.

BUT WHAT THE HELL! ITS FOOTBALL SEASON AND I HAVE A BIG SCREEN TV TO WATCH IT ON!!

elevator music

One thing they should tell you when you're a new employee is that the elevator wont go up or down without swiping your security badge in front of the little red dot on the wall.

I think that's important information.

especially since i just wasted a good ten minutes waiting for the elevator to go up or down...

Cruncher

Some of you (Cake) have asked how the new job is going.

Everything is swell.

bye.

oh wait...OK there is ONE thing...

Please enjoy a drawing of my co-worker.

There's this...person? I'm assuming a woman? On the other side of the cube wall from me who seems to REALLY enjoy her snacks. I havent actually seen her. I caaaaaaaasually saunter by her desk for a peek but so far she mysteriously disappears when i swing by. She's a cruncher. Boy is she a cruncher! A cruncher and a muncher. ALL DAY LONG all i hear is CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH. Directly on the other side of the cube. Its not a thick wall. Technically, she could be sitting on my lap. Sometimes i put my finger in my right ear to block the sound. I put my headphones on and listen to Renee Harcourt's lovely tunes. But no matter what i do i can still hear that faint...crunch, chew, crunch, munch, crunch...slurp...crunch

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dads

So.. some of you have noticed that I've been missing. Well, i haven't really been missing. Not in the hang flyers, post my mug on milk cartons sense of the word. But my blog posts have been few and far between. I humbly apologize for that. I quit my job.. and then started a new job. The last few weeks have mostly been about getting some sort of routine back in my life. And.. now it has. All is right in luckypork land. And so lets commence with the frivolity! Shall we?

The Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks are playing Friday nights now. We were playing on Tuesdays for some odd reason. But now we play on that holy of holy nights in the work week...FRIDAY. Sometimes we have an early game which is around 6:30. If we get the early slot the players with kids bring them to the game. Its fun to have the little woodcocks in the dugout with us cheering their tiny lungs out. I love hearing itty bitty voices yelling in unison "KILL EM SAWA!" Last Friday a couple of the dads on the team were left in charge of the junior woodcocks while we took the field. I noticed something odd when we came back in for our turn to bat. A urine like smell in the corner. Hummm...And then i overheard one dad tell junior, "Yes, if you have to pee just go in the corner like your sister." OH DEAR. We had little ones squatting and pointing their little wee wee's in the corner all night! The team we beat that night were named the "Stinky Salmons." Soooooo, I'm just going to go on record here and tell everyone that the stinky salmons lived up to their name and left that field REALLY stinky.

wink.

sunscreen

Michelle puts sunscreen on Banjo's nose before she goes out with her little doggy pack everyday. Seriously, i think its a bit much. I think she's embarrassed.

oh god...

I quit my job!

ghost

That's our ghost. Yep, the house came with a ghost. I'm not really surprised. The house was built in the 1920's. So, it figures somewhere along the line a spirit might get stuck in the rafters and linger in Berkeley for a few hundred years while they sort things out in the afterlife. I met her the other night. Michelle was sound a sleep and i saw an outline of an older woman with a little hat sitting on her chest giggling up a storm. I couldn't believe my eyes!! I kept trying to open them wider and wider to make sure i was really seeing what i THOUGHT i was seeing! I looked at the alarm clock to see what time it was and suddenly all kinds of the most vibrant colored plants started growing all around it. It looked like a restored Disney film. I half expected the vines to start singing a ballad to me. Our garden is doing exceptionally well in the backyard. I mean, maybe TOO well. It makes sense that a spirit would be lending a hand. I don't really mind knowing that she's around. It doesn't scare me. After all, she makes a yummy salad.

age

I think there's a certain age you reach when you just don't care anymore if people see you picking your nose in public.

I think I've reached it.

sunflower girl

Guess how many sunflowers Michelle planted in the backyard.

Go on guess!

Nope, more!

MORE!

SHE PLANTED 43 SUNFLOWERS IN THE BACKYARD!

yoga

Lately I've been taking "casual carpool" to work. Its a handy dandy way to get to the city from across the bay. The deal is... drivers don't want to pay the bridge toll and the carpool lane is free. Alas, most drivers dont have enough passengers to fill the car. Pedestrians don't want to pay for the train but dont want to drive either. aaaahhh... A perfect storm. Drivers need passengers and passengers need drivers. A true win-win for everyone involved. So cars line up at a designated area and pick up passengers. Nobody talks. You just sit there and look out the window and pretend you don't know the others are there. The car radio MUST be tuned to public radio. You ride for about 15 minutes and then TAH-DAH there you are in the city. For FREE. Awesome system.

Well, the other day i got in a car that only had two seats. A little sports car type thing. Not new and fancy tho.. kinda old and taped together. I could smell that new age hippie smell of too many years burning incense. I think it had permeated her skin as well as the worn leather seats. We said good morning to one another and then she took off like a rocket. Zig-zagging her way thru traffic.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in a weird sort of purrrr.
"But I'm late."
"Oh that's fine." I turned and gazed out the window. I was trying to keep with the rules and limit my conversation. But it was no use. I got a talker driver.
"Whats up with the weather?" she asked.
"I think its going to clear up." I said, hopefully.
"I think it's going to be beautiful today."
"Ahhhh...yer a dreamer. Just like my ex-husband." she purred.
"in any case, I'm late to jail." she said.
"Jail?" i asked.
"Yes, jail.

silence.

zig, zag.

silence.

I couldn't help myself. I had to ask.
"So... you work at a jail?" I whimpered.
"Yes," she said thru a clenched, toothy grin. "I teach yoga to inmates."

silence.

And then the ride ended. And she sped off to jail.

if only i could be a fly on the wall in THAT yoga studio.

same

I stepped into the elevator yesterday and some dude had the same shirt on as me.

tomatoes

Our little garden is starting to take shape! Its starting to take the shape of a giant tomato plant! Oh sure, we have other things growing. We have some cucumbers and some peppers. But Michelle went a little crazy with the tomato seeds and now our garden is one GIANT tomato plant after another. Put your order in for tomato soup, tomato sauce, tomato paste, tomato bread, tomato cookies, tomato pancakes.....

dye

Trust is a major part of any relationship. Whether its a friendship or a romantic relationship you must TRUST each other in order for the relationship to last. Am i right? mmmmmhummmmm... i'm right. Keep that in mind as i tell you this little story.

Michelle has been egging me on lately to dye my hair dark. Mainly because michelle is the one who dyes my hair for me and i think she's tired of it. I think she wants me to go from my BEAUTIFUL golden locks to a darker, more mousy color that's closer to my real color. Because she doesnt want to do it anymore. But i LIKE my BEAUTIFUL golden locks and don't want to go dark. The other day michelle dyed my hair for me. She got out the little box of hair dye from under the bathroom sink and proceeded to smear the color all over my head. She told me to wait there for it to cook and then to jump in the shower and rinse out the color. I did just that. I waited. While it cooked. When the kitchen timer DINGed I jumped in the shower and washed it all out. When i finished i looked in the mirror. It looked a little darker than usual. But it was still wet. No worries. I'm sure its still my BEAUTIFUL golden color. I plugged in the hair dryer and flipped my hair over to dry. When i finished i flipped my hair back to its upright position and looked in the mirror.
"WAIT A MINUTE!"
Michelle came running in..."oh its perfect! Isn't it pretty??" she asked.
"Uh, its darker than i thought." i said.
"Yes! Its much better, don't you think?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.
I just grumbled and walked into the living room and plopped down on the sofa. Me and my dark hair sat and watched golf.

so you see... trust is very important. But what i learned from this experience is...BUY YOUR OWN HAIR DYE!!!!

rain...

This is my softball season so far...
rain out, bye, forfeit, rain out, rain out.
Its as if it never happened at all.

the table

I remember asking my high school math teacher when i would ever actually USE math....

cab

Last night i had a dream that i was taking a cab to work. Yep, that's it. Just riding in a cab all night.. on my way to work. No stimulating conversation with the cabby. Just sitting there. Driving to work. all night long.

What can it mean?

stairs

Ok, so i like to exercise as much as the next guy. Yah, if the next guy's idea of exercising is sitting on the couch and watching Biggest Loser. But i do it. Because if i didn't exercise I'd be ON Biggest Loser. But i want to work out when i choose to work out. I don't want it forced on me. And that's exactly whats happening. The escalator at just about EVERY train station in the bay area is broken. Which, of course, means i have to take the stairs. Its about 3 flights to get to the street above. Every morning. Up we go! All of us worker bees taking the stairs because if we didn't we'd be trapped in the bowels of the Bay Area Rapid Transit system. And really, nobody wants that. Oh sure there's always a guy playing some sort of musical instrument to try to keep us smiling. This morning it was a banjo player. I tossed a dollar in his case and growled thanks through my gritted teeth as i ascended (yet again) the broken escalator's stairs. The escalator at the North Berkeley station has been broken since i moved the east bay. Its been about 3 months now. They have the giant replacement parts stacked up in the middle of the platform with caution tape wrapped around it. At this point its turned into an art installation.

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TAKE A CLASS AND LEARN HOW TO FIX ESCALATORS!!!!??

LATE!!!

Last night was our first official softball game for the Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks. We had a game a couple weeks ago but it got rained out in the second inning so this was really the first full game. I was very excited to dust off the ol' cleats and smack some dudes asses for the first time after a very long and wet winter. I had my evening planned out perfectly. I'd go get my hair cut at 6 and be at the field at 7:30. Game started at 7:40. That left me 10 minutes to tie my laces, stretch out the hamstrings, throw the ball around a bit and be on the bench ready for the first pitch right on time. Noooooooooo problem. Until i heard this, "I'll just get out the flat iron so you can see what the haircut should really look like." uh wait, no... i didn't schedule time for the flat iron! I only scheduled enough time for the cut and a quick blow dry! No flat iron!!! But Leslie my dear friend and hair stylist extraordinaire was insistent. 'Oh, it will just take a minute. I cant let you walk out of here half done, now can i?" she lectured. "Now if only this thing would heat up...." oh god! I'll be late to the game! And we need a certain amount of people or we'll forfeit! We'll lose!!!! She started in on the flattening... "See.. it just takes a minute...to.. hummm.. you have a LOT of hair..." TICK, TICK, TICK "ok, now we're cooking! Its looking great! oh, hold on.. plug seems to be loose..." TICK, TICK, TICK... AAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!! She FINALLY finished up and spun me around in the chair with a hand held mirror to admire the...UH... flatness? Yep! Flat! Looks swell! Ok, gotta run!!! i said, as i quickly scribbled out a check for services rendered. I jumped in michelle's blue VW bug and we were off to the field. A Mad dash to make it by game time! I hadn't changed yet. I had my sports bra in my backpack. I just had to put it on as we drove. I unsnapped the one i was wearing and flung it to the backseat. On with the sports bra! Just as i was making my wardrobe change we skidded around a corner to find a father and son looking directly at me! "SORRY DAD!!!" I yelled as he shielded the boys eyes! Wow, that must have been quite a sight! I finished changing and pulled up to the rec center. I ran to the field. But alas...it was too late. Game time had come and gone and we had lost. The other Woodcocks were kind. They all smiled and said my hair looked nice. But i know inside their little woodcock hearts were broken. I learned a valuable lesson last night. Flat hair is for sissy's. Not Woodcocks.

Sorry fellas. I'll slap your ass next week.

mystery garden

We have a little garden patch in the backyard. Its so exciting to plant seeds and then see their little green heads pop up out of the soil and start growing! We have great plans to make fresh salads and maybe stir fry some veggies straight from the garden. But these dishes will be mystery plates since Michelle neglected to label anything. At this point its just a bunch of green stuff. "What will you be, little fella? What will you be?"

snail

I hate this time of year because the snails seem to wander aimlessly on the sidewalk. Why do they lose their way? There's nothing i hate worse than that sound..crack...under my shoe. Poor, poor aimless snails!

daisy

This is my new favorite thing about our little house. Daisy. She's a little old Asian woman who lives directly behind us. Apparently, she lost her husband last year so she's all alone. Whenever she hears us in the back yard she peeks her tiny little garden hat covered head over our fence (with the help of a step ladder) and judges our garden. "You grow peas?" she'll ask. "Oh yes, we are growing some peas over in that back corner over there. (i point to our dirt patch.) They're not ready yet. Still babies." She giggles and climbs down from her perch. A few minutes later she emerges with a HUGE bag of peas fresh from her lush and overgrown garden. "You like these." I stretch to reach the bag of goodies. "Oh thank you, Daisy!" Time passes as she watches us struggle with the weeds in our dirt patch. "You grow tomatoes?" Oh, yes... we are growing a tomato plant. See?" as i point again at our brown sod. She climbs down from her perch and this time emerges with a HUGE bag of tomatoes. "You like these." she says. I can hear her giggle as i take them. This continues with some regularity. It seems Daisy takes great pleasure in our sophomoric gardening ways.

I love Daisy. Her mere existence makes me smile.

pen

So whats the deal with the little ladies who wear a pen on a chain around their neck? I can understand wearing your glasses on a chain. You really need your glasses and sometimes you might forget where you put them. But a pen? On a chain? around your neck? Is there a need for this? Like, maybe you might run into a fed ex guy and UNEXPECTEDLY be asked to sign for something? Or maybe you were working on a crossword puzzle and you might SUDDENLY think of the answer to 5 across? Maybe its a germ phobia type thing? Maybe these ladies are asked to sign in before they can get on the elevator for work and they don't want to use that icky soiled pen that everyone else has touched?

This pen around the neck thing has been bothering me for a few days now. Weird, i know...but i cant let it go. CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????

free paper

Is it such a crime to read somebody else's newspaper on the train? Sheeesh. I cant afford a paper every morning so i just sort of leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean and read somebody else's. Well, this morning i got the look. You know the one. The one that says, "Hey lady! Get your own damn paper!" But i didn't care. I was in the middle of a good article. I kept reading. Then he moved ever so slightly to his left. Just enough so that i couldn't see that last paragraph. UGH. C'mon people. I thought voting for Obama meant we were socialists now. Share your paper!

Re-do

This morning when i woke up i decided i wanted to go to work dressed like a tuff guy. You ever do that? Just wake up and want to kick the world's ass? I put on my jeans and rolled them up to make these big, fat cuffs. I laced up my well worn black leather motorcycle boots. I pulled a faded grey t-shirt over my head and rolled up the sleeves. I walked out of the bedroom with a big smile on my face. Like, look at me, world! I'm gonna kick your ass! And then Michelle walked in the front door. (use screeching record sound effect here) She had taken Banjo for a walk. "Yer not going to WORK like that, are you?" She ran off and rifled through my dresser drawers to pick out an outfit more suitable for work. well, according to her. And now I look like a golfer. So much for ass kickin'...just meet me at the country club at tee time.

Party House

Michelle bought some catnip for Roscoe and Ethel and accidentally left it on the front porch. It was the actual plant...not just dried up leaves in a plastic tub or stuffed into a fake mouse. Oh yah, this was the good stuff, baby! Fresh on the vine. The next morning we walked out onto the porch and felt a little like parents who left their teenager home alone for the weekend. We found the flower pot. It was ravaged! Knocked over with all the catnip leaves completely chewed off. We can only IMAGINE the party going on outside our front door last night...We ended up taking Roscoe's cell phone away. Seriously, No more drug hookups for him.

the pile

Hello! Its been a while since we've chatted. I've had the flu. Not the nasty piggy flu...I don't think. Just the regular one that makes you sound like Brenda Vaccaro. If you're not old enough for that reference just imagine a nasty smokers cough and you're in the ball park. Anywhoooo, I'm close to getting back to my old self so i thought i'd give you an update on the house. At this time we have something in the backyard we like to simply call "The Pile." Once upon a time "The Pile" was actually sheets of concrete the previous owners poured to cover a nasty blackberry thicket. I went to the local hardware store and laid down my hard earned 30 bucks for the finest concrete smashing device on the shelf. Yep, a good ol' fashioned sledge hammer. Me and my trusty sledge hammer smashed and banged and crushed all that cement into baby concrete balls. It took a full weekend but i did it. Which i neatly piled up in the corner of the yard. and there it sits. In the corner. for weeks now. It talks to me at night. It tells me i'm a hillbilly for leaving a big pile of cement in the corner. It whispers as i leave for work each morning. "Here i am.. that big ugly pile of rocks you left in the corner." We finally made some calls to see if we could get someone to release me from the grasp of "The Pile." So far the offers are almost as bad as just leaving the pile for the next owner of the house to deal with. The offer on the table is: He drives his big ol' dump truck over to the house. Leaves it over night and WE (two little ladies) load the cement pile into a wheel barrow and roll it out to his big truck and load it for him. Then he shows up the next day to drive it to the dump. And guess how much he wants for this service? 350 BUCKS! Are you kidding?

So there "The Pile" sits. Staring at me. Laughing at me..... taunting me............

BIRTHDAY!!!

On this day...once upon a time, a little girl was born.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!!!!!!

sunshine

We have those lights in the new house...those kind that are in the ceiling? Those little pocket lights? Right. So all of the bulbs in the bedroom are burnt out except for one. The one directly over my pillow. That one particular working light is hooked up to a dimmer switch. This, of course; makes for an irresistible prank for Michelle. She gets up earlier than me and every morning leans in and sloooooooooooooowly raises the light directly over my face as she sings, "Here comes the sun..."

mmmhum. funny. really funny.

HOT

WE HAVE HOT WATER!!!!!!!!

sit

Now that there is quite a distance to travel between work and home i have been taking the train in the morning. I must say I'm running into a dilemma that i haven't had to deal with before. If I'm sitting down and an older person gets on the train of course i will get up and let them have my seat. My momma taught me a FEW manners. BUT, how do you gauge how old is old enough to warrant my standing up? I mean, if a lady gets on the train and she's say.. 50? Wouldn't she be insulted by me jumping up and offering my seat? But what if said 50 year old has a bad hip and i don't get up for fear of insulting her? Or...what if an 80 year old man gets on? Am i supposed to offer my seat to a man? Aren't men supposed to offer their seat to me? No matter the age? And what about that guy next to me? Shouldn't he get up before me? I have been so stuck on this question mentally that i just sit there and pretend like i don't see the old people at all. But now I fear retaliation. I'm worried the next time i enter a train I'll be over run by a mob of angry old people whacking me with their walkers and throwing aspirin bottles at me! I'll be known throughout the land as the evil-no-getter-upper.

Iguana

I read recently that the iguana's in Florida are dropping out of the trees because its too cold for them. I guess they sort of freeze up and cant move until the sun hits their skin. I think i might be part Iguana. I just cant seem to work out in the winter. I can feel the fat building on my thighs with every bite i take of that wholesome winter food. But, seriously...i just cant get myself to do anything about it. I think subconsciously I'm waiting for the sun to hit my skin. I've resolved to just wear bigger pants until April.

still..

Still no hot water....

basement

Yep. That's my new basement. Michelle and i moved into the little house in Berkeley on Friday. All went well with the move. We hired movers which seems so terribly decadent but wow! What a difference professional movers can make in your life! They packed us up and delivered our stuff safely to its destination in about 2 hours! It would have taken us a week if we had done it ourselves! And of course we would have to buy our friends a few 12 packs of beer and at least 4 pizzas. So...savings there for sure. Once the movers left we turned on some music and started unpacking. We were so excited to be in our new home! A couple hours into the process Michelle asked if maybe we should go look in the basement. Yah! Lets go look in the basement! I've never had a basement before so that sounded like something new and exciting. We opened the little wooden hatch and...FLOOD!!!!!!!!!!! ITS FLOODED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIST DEEP!!!!!!!!!!HELP!!! FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! The pump that is supposed to shoot the water out of the basement in the winter rain was shooting it instead back into the basement like a whirlpool spa. OY VEY. I channeled MacGuyver and grabbed a long pipe to shimmy across to reach the plug to the pump. I didn't want to step into the water just in case i might...you know...electrocute myself. Miraculously, I got to the plug without falling in. I pulled it out of the wall and suddenly...silence. The water stopped pumping. A small victory indeed. I shimmied back and felt a sence of satisfaction. Next up? Plumber! I tried to get a local plumber on the horn. That was another hurdle. Plumbers seem to leave early on Fridays. We finally got one to put down the happy hour drink and swing by for a draining the basement party. But now the next problem was revealed. The water heater was submerged in about 4 feet of water for god knows how long. No hot water. Of course the water heater isn't something this particular plumber can handle at happy hour so we wait...and wait...for another plumber to find time to come and bring us a new one. So no hot showers for us. Which pretty much means no showers at all. Because I'd rather be dirty than stand naked with freezing water splashing on me.

So that's the latest. We have a new home but we are VERY dirty girls.

Warning

This is what buying a home looks like...