blue

Michelle tends to makes up things.. about my health. Like, she thinks i only have one kidney.. or that i have a brain tumor.. or that i have endometriosis.. you name it.. michelle thinks i have it. She has a big book of medical stats that she likes to read from and imagines that i have the symptoms from the worst chapters. So last night she comes and sits by me on the couch and says, "We need to talk about your circulation." "My what?!" I ask. She gets closer to my face and examines me and says, "Yes, i'm concerned about your circulation. Your lips are BLUE!" Oh my god .... AACK! My lips are blue???? We need to rush me to the hospital! I can feel my pulse slowing! I'm slipping away!!!

and then i remembered i just ate a blue popsicle.

boss

Yes, it finally happened. The thing I've been fighting against for 6 months. My boss saw me in my panties at the gym. Ever since i realized that we workout at the same place I've been carefully planning out my schedule so that i NEVER see her in the locker room. NEVER! But yesterday... there she was... putting on her lipstick.. acting as if she wasn't watching me in the mirror. I tried my best to waste some time. I took my clothes out of the locker and kind of folded them.. and then unfolded them... hung them on the back of the little locker door.. slowly took my running shoes off and set my regular work sneakers under the bench. I glanced up to see if she had finished applying her make-up. Nope. Still there. So.. i gave up. I did it. I took my pants off. There i was, standing bashfully in my panties. How mortifying. How HUMILIATING. But that's not all, of course.. my panties had a hole in them. Why couldn't i be wearing a hotty little number that looked super expensive!? Some fashion forward get-up. No, i had to wear the one pair with a hole in them yesterday. Just then, she zipped up her make-up bag, placed it in her purse and did the super model walk out the door. Oh god! What must she have thought? Perhaps she thought, "Poor dear, i really MUST give her a raise!" But more likely.. it was, "Gross! I really MUST fire her."

whooops

hehehehehheh...

doggy (and kitty) in the window

This is what Michelle and i saw as we left for work. Banjo the dog and Roscoe the cat both sitting in the window watching after us as we drove off. I thought it had to be the cutest thing in the world. The two of them... from feuding blood lines... coming together... sitting next to one another in a gesture of love for their people.

and then i realized.. they were waiting for us to leave so they could give the signal to Ethel (the other cat) to throw open the front door to the strays! PARTY ON!!!!!!!

Earth day

Happy Earth Day everyone! I wanted to save a forest or set some horses free or something today. But being a city gal... i had to settle for saving a pigeon. I was walking to work and this little bird crossed my path with a plastic taco bell bag wrapped around his neck. So.. since it IS earth day.. i stepped on the bag and stopped him in his tracks. I reached down and untangled the plastic from his little neck and sent him on his merry way. The girls at work think i have rabies now. But i don't ask what this planet can do for me.. i ask.. what can i do for my planet? Get Rabies? Sure!

Number 4

Gas costs 4 DOLLARS!!!! WHAT THE??? I have an idea for a new industry. Don't join the bandwagon and trade in your wheat fields for corn. Start printing the number 4. Hide them in your basement and then auction them off on Ebay to the highest bidder! I'll bet gas stations all over America are on a mad search for 4s.

P.S. Michelle made fun of my TV/microwave all weekend. You know, she's all artsy fartsy.

food network

That's supposed to be a TV... not a microwave.

So anyway, i was just at the gym and about 4 out of 5 TV sets were tuned to the food network. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big food network fan. I like Michael Chiarello the best. I love to watch him cook up yummy Napa style treats and then feed them to his ultra cool Napa style friends. But.. when I'm at the gym the last thing i want to do is watch somebody take a huge bite out of a big fat juicy steak and wash it down with a heaping spoonful of garlic mashed potatoes, a little fresh baked bread and a local Cabernet. It makes me want to climb down off the stair climber, walk across the street to the steak house, grab a fork and a bottle of A1 and slap a bib around my neck.