gone postal

I did something. I did something bad. But i don't want to tell you because i think its a federal offense. And i could.. maybe.. go to like... federal prison!

OK, OK... I'll tell you. I went to the post office to mail off a little Christmas present. I needed one of those bubble envelopes. You know, the kind that's padded? So i went to the display and took one. I was going to pay for it, really. I wasn't going to just take it! I addressed the envelope and got in line. A LONG line. The kind of line you don't have time to stand in during your lunch hour. And i waited. A while. In that LONG line. And then i saw it! Like a beacon calling me and my envelope ashore. It was the automatic postage machine. Did anybody really see me take that envelope? What if i just scoot outa line and use the machine? I thought about it for a second and then.. yes, i scooted. I walked really fast. Head down. Waiting for the "Hey Lady! You didn't PAY for that envelope!" But it never came. I used the machine...mailed my envelope.. and left the building. I gave a quick glance back at all those suckers in line. And grinned a very grinchlike grin. I'd done something evil at Christmas. And now.. I wait.. for the mailman to come arrest me and slap those cold steel cuffs around my wrists. You can address my Christmas cards to Sing Sing Prison. Cell Block 9.