shopping list

Michelle was working from home yesterday so i asked if she could run to the store and get some thanksgiving groceries. You know, just a turkey breast and some potatoes.. maybe some of those crispy onion things and green beans. I usually do all the grocery shopping so i was a bit nervous to trust her with our thanksgiving meal. She called from the store and said they had a whole counter of red meat. "Do we want steaks?" she asked. "No, we don't want thanksgiving steaks. We want to have turkey like the whole rest of the country." I answered. "Oh..... hummmm.......here are some pork chops! Do we want pork chops?" she asked excitedly. "No, we don't want Thanksgiving pork chops." I sighed. "How about pork loin. You like to cook pork loin. Here's a whole bunch of them!" she exclaimed. "No, no no... can you just ask the meat guy if he has any turkey breasts? I mean, i think that's what he's there for." I said. Just then she yelled into the phone, "OH! HAM! Look at all the hams!

Fine. ham. We're having thanksgiving ham.

whooops...i got fat

Yummy! Christmas cookies!

flu season

This morning i took the train to work. We were all crammed in this tight little area with no fresh air and somebody starts with the coughing and the sniffling and the sneezing. There we go.. you could see it on everyone's face. We were all doomed to catch that cold. In three days you'll find all 27 of us in bed with tissues and NyQuil by our side. Well, all 27 of us wont be in the same bed... i don't think...we'll all be in our very own beds hawking up a lung.

oh, and i was thinking, i'm glad i'm not one of those serial sneezers. You know, the ones who cant stop with one sneeze? They do like 12 in a row? That would be awful. I'm a one sneezer type. Just one really big ACHEW! and i move on.

Christmas Experiment

Since nobody really has any money right now the family decided we're doing a homemade Christmas this year. Basically, that means every one will be getting really crappy stuff. Macaroni necklaces and tissue paper wreaths aren't out of the question. BUT! The gifts will come from the heart. I'm not going to tell you what Michelle is making because a select few members of my family occasionally read this blog. Lets just say, if she survives the testing stage...we will all rejoice.

paper

I went to a dinner party at our friend Stephanie's house on Saturday night. Her house is so cute! Its absolutely charming and perfect. Everything was placed just so and spic and span. So, when i used her restroom i didn't want to tear the paper in a sloppy way. I wanted to tear it in a perfect straight line. But it took about 12 tears to get it just so... and i used up just about the whole roll trying. And then i started freaking out because i used all the paper. And i didn't know where to put the big wad of unused tissue. What if it clogs up the toilet? And then i was taking too long... what if they think I'm doing something besides a pee pee.. oh god... turned out to be quite a stressful jaunt to the ladies room.

But the rest of the evening was perfect! Thanks Stephanie!

My new favorite disease.

I have a new favorite disease! Its the Foreign Language Syndrome. I guess there are a bunch of people out there who have been whacked on the back of the head and suddenly start speaking with a foreign accent. It seems that Italian and French are the most popular accents but some have suddenly started speaking like English royalty. Which i guess is kinda frowned upon at the Winn Dixie Mart. Now i know what you're thinking... Oh Porky, you must be making this up! But no! I saw it on Good Morning America so it MUST be true!

big truck

That's my friend Wesley. And that's his big truck. He likes to take his big truck on adventures and stuff. You'd think an adventure guy like Wes with his big adventure truck would be able to change a tire. And you'd think that Wes's adventure guy friends would be able to help. But you'd be wrong. Last night he got a flat and they all sat on a curb waiting for the tow truck guy to come change the tire for them.

That must have been embarrassing.

Thanksgiving

No, no.. don't check your calendar. Its not really Thanksgiving...yet. Relax. You still have time to get those dried up onions for the top of the green bean casserole. My family decided to have our Thanksgiving early this year. So Michelle and i are heading south to meet up with my mom in the kitchen and whip up some grub. I'll see you all next week with a nice full belly.

pacman

This morning when i got outa the shower i noticed that my hair looked like one of those Pacman monsters. And then i looked at Michelle and her hair looked like Pacman. So we chased each other around the house making the gobble up sounds.

That was fun....

anyyyyyywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, GO AMERICA!!!! YAY!!! OBAMA!!!!!!!!

old Meanies

Why is it that the old people that work the polling places where you cast your vote are the meanest old people on the planet? Sure, they look sweet in their little red white and blue outfits and their star spangled banner pins. But don't be fooled. They aren't sweet. They sit there with their big book of names and just wait to catch you doing something wrong. "YOU DON'T REALLY LIVE THERE, DO YOU?!" Or, "THAT'S NOT YOUR REAL LAST NAME, IS IT?" Or... "HAVE YOU EVER VOTED BEFORE? YOU MORON?" They must hold a meanie talent show at the local retirement home right before each election and pick out the nastiest, oldest people to man the tables. If you can do a great Freddy Krueger, you're in.