Newspaper cut

Last night i took the train home. It was PACKED! Anytime between 5 and 6 its standing room only on the Muni trains. So i squeeeeeezed on and tucked myself in the corner nearest the door to make a fast exit when i arrived at my stop. This guy comes clammering on behind me... wedges his way into the same spot i'm standing and proceeds to open his newspaper. There's no room to breathe let alone read Dear Abbey. He makes himself comfortable and rests the top corner of the paper on my forehead. I'm enraged! Does anyone see this? How rude this man is being? And then he starts the coughing. Yep.. clearing his throat and coughing directly at me. My eyes are darting from one passenger to the next to get some sort of recognition. Just a grin or a roll of the eyes.. anything that says, "Yah, that guy is RUDE and we all hate him!" But nothing. Everyone on the train is just staring off into space and thinking about their own terrible lives. I'm just about to say, "Excuse me sir, can you please remove your newspaper from between my eyes?" when the door opens and i make my escape. Ah! Air! Free from my newsprint tattoo!