Car rental

Michelle and Banjo and i are going to LA for a week to help take care of my mom. She had knee replacement surgery and will need some help getting around and cooking and stuff. We are renting a car for the journey down the coast. For some reason the lady at the rental car agency always tries to give us the worst car on the lot. The one with no tires...or the one that smells like a dead cat.. or you know, that one car on the lot that still has a tape deck. Michelle has a theory that they give us crappy cars because we don't dress up before we go to the rental agency. We usually just wear shorts and flip flops. So she got herself all dolled up this morning and high stepped out the door like Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada.

So much for that theory. We got the EXACT same crappy car we got last time. I think Enterprise just has nasty cars.

Hiccup

Did you know that babies who are still in their mommy's tummy can get the hiccups? Apparently so. My friend Jessica just told me that she was up all night with a belly full of hiccups. So the eternal question? How do you get rid of them? Hold your breath? Drink water? None of these things seem transferable to a baby inside your belly. I think the only answer is to scare the be-jesus outa the baby. Turn all the lights off in the house...sit very still...and then yell, "STORK!"

hairball

That's my friend Aimee. She was at Baker beach today walking her dog and a big hairy man came up to her and told her that she was the prettiest dog walker he had seen all day. Very nice of him to say.

He also happened to be completely nude.

Tourist

My friend Shelley had a great idea for her birthday. On Sunday a big group of us dressed up like San Francisco tourists and climbed onto a double decker tour bus and spent over 5 hours exploring our fare city. What a fun thing to do! The bus stopped at all the major landmarks and let us get off and wander around. I found an ice cream parlor at Fisherman's Wharf and ordered a big fat hot fudge sundae. I sat on a curb and kinda wolfed it down. I rarely let myself eat ice cream anymore. As I finished my sundae one of my fellow Woodcocks passed by. She was taking her family for a tour. We exchanged pleasantries and then went on our merry way. A few minutes later i looked down at my shirt.. i had chocolate ice cream all down the front of me and a bit left on my chin. I think I'll say i was on Ambien and don't remember seeing her. It worked for Patrick Kennedy. Apparently he explained away picking up hookers by saying he was on the sleeping drug. If you can pick up hookers and not remember.. then surely you can be a sloppy ice cream eater.

Milo the monkey

Most of you know that Michelle has changed her name to Milo. She recently discovered that she shares the name with a monkey that NASA shot into space in the 60's. To be honest, I've had a hard time calling her Milo. So, now i like to call her my little space monkey.

Go Woodcocks!!!

Whooohooooo!!!! 5 wins in a row! I was missing in action because my buddy Wesley and i went to see the San Francisco Giants get clobbered by the Florida Marlins. We had lots of fun but my heart was with the Woodcocks!

On a side note, i usually ride my bike to work and Michelle always calls to see if i made it in safely. This morning Michelle gave me a ride. Keep that in mind as i recount our phone conversation.

Ring, ring...

Me: Hello?
Michelle: "Hi! Oh good! You made it in safe!"
Me: "?......Yah, you dropped me off."
Michelle: "...."
Me: "Remember?"
Michelle: "..."

Click.

The gals of Brazil

Did anyone watch the women's beach volleyball match last night? USA vs Brazil? Did you notice the unfortunate shortening of the Brazilian team's name?

salsa

Michelle's mom and her husband Ron are here visiting. We took them to a club called the El Rio yesterday afternoon. On Sundays they have a salsa band on the back patio and free BBQ. Michelle's mom is quite a little dancer! She tried to teach Michelle and I how to strut our stuff.. but.. alas.. our stuff just didn't strut like her mama's did. Ron enjoyed the free BBQ but didn't understand why there were so many boys dancing with each other.

This IS San Francisco, after all.

sore bottom

The other day Michelle and i were driving around and i saw a girl on a bike wearing padded shorts. The kind the racers wear. I don't have padded shorts but i thought I'd make my own and see if it made my ride to work a little less stressful on my.. "area." I wadded up a bunch of toilet paper and put it in my drawers. Well, let me tell you. Having a big ball of toilet paper in your underwear is NOT the answer! Its MORE painful than a simple bike seat.

My poor little "area" is on injured reserve.

Playoffs bound!

Go you Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks! 4 in row!!!

On a side note...I had my toll money in my pocket during the game and i... uh, well, got a little sweaty.. what with all that running around and sliding into third base and stuff. When i handed the toll taker my 5 note he said, "Eeeeew. Its wet! What have you been doing?!"

I just grinned and sped off.

stella

While my sister Suzan was here she was staying in our neighbor's apartment. No, no, the neighbor's weren't there. They're on their honeymoon so the place was empty and they needed someone to watch their little cat Stella. My sister gladly took care of her. But here's the glitch. Suzan makes jewelry. She makes necklaces and bracelets and things with pretty beads. Well, apparently so does Stella! We found a stash of Suzan's beads and a couple necklaces in a little pile under the bed. Don't worry Suz! I'm calling the kitty police if i see Stella hawking her line of stolen goods on QVC.

oh.. and yah, i know cats don't wag their tails. But how else do you draw a cat happy?

sing-along

My sister went out with a BANG! I took her to Oakland to this little dive bar called the Alley. They have the "Amazing Rod Dibble" tickling the ivories and you sit around the piano and sing. They have stools set up all around his baby grand with microphones. You choose an old diddy to sing from his big dusty book of hits.. he does the intro and then gives you the nod to begin. What fun! We had a bunch of our friends come out and do a few numbers. My sister sang about 3 or 4 tunes. But the show stopper was when she did a duet with Barry. Barry is a guy we met there who came with his own book of hits. They sang "Memory" from Cats. WOW! What a performance! Encore! Encore!! Brilliant!!!!

She's catching a plane for home in an hour. I'm sure she'll be stopped at the airport for her autograph!

P.S. I sang "Send in the clowns."

sisters

My cat is completely baffled as to why there are now two of me.

The Mighty

Oh Yah baby! 3 in a row! The Mighty, Mighty Woodcocks are back!

idiot rentals

I took the day off work yesterday to play with my sister. Here in San Francisco they have these little yellow cars that you can rent for a few hours and tour the city. They're actually just little go-carts with a lawn mower engine and they probably shouldn't be out in traffic. In fact, I'll retract that...they SHOULDN'T be out in traffic. But we didn't care! We strapped on our chrome helmets and had a blast!

MY SISTER IS COMING!

My sister is coming to San Francisco to stay with me for a week! I'm very excited! I've planned lots of fun things for us to do! That's me jumping in the air trying to do that "click your heels" thing. In old movies, people click their heels in the air when they're really happy. Unfortunately, only my cartoon can do that today... i tweaked my back a few minutes ago trying to dislodge a wedgie.