Wednesday, March 07, 2012

carpool

I was just thinking about a night when Michelle got a little tipsy on one of her favorite drinks called a sidecar. She grabbed the cocktail waitress and very loudly asked for another Carpool. heh heh.. i don't know.. maybe you had to be there.

Monday, March 05, 2012

earthquake

I got up at 5:30 this morning to go pee pee. And that's the exact moment the earth decided to shift it's position. Try changing the roll during a 4.0 shaker. Not as easy as it looks.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

question

I still have no idea how to answer this question... "Is that what you're wearing?"

Friday, February 10, 2012

idol

Sometimes when I'm alone i pretend like I'm auditioning for American Idol. I usually sing "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins. It's my "go to" number. I belt it out into my wooden spoon microphone. I like to stand in front of the mirror so that i can practice my facial expressions to draw my fictional audience in emotionally. After I'm done with my song i usually chat with Jennifer Lopez about how she doesn't need to be jealous of me...she's pretty too...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

fear factor

I have a new phobia. One that rivals my fear of sharks. And for those of you who've known me for a while.. that's HUGE! My new fear is that someday I'll win an Oscar and I'll have to wear one of those dresses. You know.. the fancy ones? and I'll have to walk the red carpet and make small talk with the media. I just... i couldn't do it. I just couldn't. So if one of my films ever comes up for Academy Award consideration please DON'T vote for me. Whats that you say? Have i ever made a film? No. But this is a phobia silly. IRRATIONAL. The kinds of things that keep you awake at 3 in the morning and have no resolution. My 3 am mantra goes something like this: "Did i turn off the coffee maker? Did i lock the front door? Did i pay the motorcycle insurance? Did i get nominated for an Oscar?"

Mmmhummm... you're shaking your head in agreement. You get it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

diet

I've had a terrible stomach flu for the last 3 days. But the good news is...Michelle and i are going to Hawaii in February and I'm well on my way to my bikini weight! Yes! High Five!

Sunday, January 01, 2012

coffee talk

Morning conversation with Michelle:
Me: If i were another country and i wanted to invade the United States i would do it on New Years day.
Michelle: Why? Because all the stores are closed?
Me: ?

Lucky Day!

Michelle said that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck. Well, Halleluja! It's my lucky day!