idol

Sometimes when I'm alone i pretend like I'm auditioning for American Idol. I usually sing "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins. It's my "go to" number. I belt it out into my wooden spoon microphone. I like to stand in front of the mirror so that i can practice my facial expressions to draw my fictional audience in emotionally. After I'm done with my song i usually chat with Jennifer Lopez about how she doesn't need to be jealous of me...she's pretty too...

fear factor

I have a new phobia. One that rivals my fear of sharks. And for those of you who've known me for a while.. that's HUGE! My new fear is that someday I'll win an Oscar and I'll have to wear one of those dresses. You know.. the fancy ones? and I'll have to walk the red carpet and make small talk with the media. I just... i couldn't do it. I just couldn't. So if one of my films ever comes up for Academy Award consideration please DON'T vote for me. Whats that you say? Have i ever made a film? No. But this is a phobia silly. IRRATIONAL. The kinds of things that keep you awake at 3 in the morning and have no resolution. My 3 am mantra goes something like this: "Did i turn off the coffee maker? Did i lock the front door? Did i pay the motorcycle insurance? Did i get nominated for an Oscar?"

Mmmhummm... you're shaking your head in agreement. You get it.

diet

I've had a terrible stomach flu for the last 3 days. But the good news is...Michelle and i are going to Hawaii in February and I'm well on my way to my bikini weight! Yes! High Five!

coffee talk

Morning conversation with Michelle:
Me: If i were another country and i wanted to invade the United States i would do it on New Years day.
Michelle: Why? Because all the stores are closed?
Me: ?

cookie monster

UH OH... I memorized the Nestle's Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe. So much for any New Year's resolutions.

pearls of wisdom

Just got the word from the doc. I have a kidney stone in my right kidney. Apparently my body makes pearls. Great news! Looks like I have all future Christmas gifts covered. 

shave and a haircut... 2 bits

Yes, you are correct. The above drawing is probably the single worst drawing I've ever done of a hand. Its kind of freaking me out to look at it. But i drew it to illustrate this story so bear with me for a moment.

I shaved my arms this morning. I looked down yesterday at my hands as i typed and besides noticing that they looked eerily like my mothers hands.. which was disturbing enough... i noticed that my arms were crazy hairy! I had been wearing a sweater and the wind combined with the friction of pushing my sleeves up and down all day as the temperature changed in the room made my little arm hairs stand straight up! I looked like a werewolf! I decided right then and there that i would shave it off in the shower this morning so as to avoid any further electricity hair raising problems. So i did just that. I got the ol' baby blue BIC outa the cabinet and shaved it right off. While i was at it i went after my mustache. Might as well. I emerged clean as whistle. Soft and pink. Just like i like me. BUT! Much to my dismay! I missed a patch on my wrist. Right where that sorta weird knuckle looking thing is on the outside of your wrist? Yep. Missed it. So today i have a bunch of frizzy electric hair standing straight up in a small bunch on my right wrist. Should i stretch my hand out to shake yours today.. please look away. I'm a beast.