cookie monster

UH OH... I memorized the Nestle's Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe. So much for any New Year's resolutions.

pearls of wisdom

Just got the word from the doc. I have a kidney stone in my right kidney. Apparently my body makes pearls. Great news! Looks like I have all future Christmas gifts covered. 

shave and a haircut... 2 bits

Yes, you are correct. The above drawing is probably the single worst drawing I've ever done of a hand. Its kind of freaking me out to look at it. But i drew it to illustrate this story so bear with me for a moment.

I shaved my arms this morning. I looked down yesterday at my hands as i typed and besides noticing that they looked eerily like my mothers hands.. which was disturbing enough... i noticed that my arms were crazy hairy! I had been wearing a sweater and the wind combined with the friction of pushing my sleeves up and down all day as the temperature changed in the room made my little arm hairs stand straight up! I looked like a werewolf! I decided right then and there that i would shave it off in the shower this morning so as to avoid any further electricity hair raising problems. So i did just that. I got the ol' baby blue BIC outa the cabinet and shaved it right off. While i was at it i went after my mustache. Might as well. I emerged clean as whistle. Soft and pink. Just like i like me. BUT! Much to my dismay! I missed a patch on my wrist. Right where that sorta weird knuckle looking thing is on the outside of your wrist? Yep. Missed it. So today i have a bunch of frizzy electric hair standing straight up in a small bunch on my right wrist. Should i stretch my hand out to shake yours today.. please look away. I'm a beast.

banana

Some people say that people look like their dogs. Michelle just got a new little dog she named Banana. I don't think they look alike at all.

caught cheating...

First of all, i have to admit that i cant draw toes. As you can clearly see. Second, i have to admit that i got caught cheating. Which is worse? I'll let you be the judge. Here's the story:

Normally, i go to this manicure/pedicure place down the street when i get a hankerin' to have pretty nails.  The ladies all know me by name. They are very sweet to me. And by nature I'm a very loyal person. And that goes for my toe nails as well. It just so happened that i was outa town recently and had to wear flip flops. My nails were a bit of a disaster so i popped into a nail salon for a quickie. You know...on the sly. I picked the same color i already had so nobody would know. Just a touch up really.... no commitment. I sat back, relaxed and started flipping thru a magazine. I began reading about some teen star's latest mishap when the woman working on me asked a question. I didn't fully HEAR the question so i just smiled and nodded and went back to the teen star nasty gossip. As she was finishing up i looked at my toes. OH NO! A Flower! She painted a flower on both of my big toes! I didn't get a flower at my usual salon! I never ask for a flower!!        Well, fast forward to the my next visit at the salon down the street. I walked in and everybody said, "Hello Sara!" I sat in the chair and submerged my feet quickly. I rummaged for a magazine. Trying not to get eye contact. The nice lady who always works on me came to get started. She pulled my foot outa the water... looked at my toes... and looked at me over her glasses. "Pretty flower," she said. Knowing I'd been caught cheating "Uh, yah.. pretty..." i said as i blushed. Then she lifted my foot and showed the other ladies at the salon... "Pretty FLOWER," she said. I kinda half smiled. She grabbed a cloth and started rubbing the nail polish off my toes. She rubbed really hard and said under her breath..."mmhum pretty flower is GONE." And then she switched her normal little tool kit with a different tool kit that was hidden under a cloth in her bucket. She pulled a pair of rubber gloves onto each hand and did the "snap" as she reached her forearms. Oh gawd. Are those the "fungus" tools? Am i gonna get the fungus???

I learned my lesson. I'll never cheat again. My toes belong to her.

the kiss

Last night Michelle and i decided to chuck the cooking utensils and make somebody else cook for us at a local restaurant. It was just one of those days, you know? As we walked thru the door we saw a couple we used to pal around with from our old neighborhood in SF. They were having dinner with her parents and then taking them to the Paul Simon concert at the Greek. FUN! We exchanged pleasantries and then adjourned to our own little table for two and enjoyed a delicious dinner. As the foursome finished their meal and made their exit they stopped at our little table to say goodnight. The husband John leaned in for a hug. I was seated at the table and was at a very awkward angle to hug somebody. My face somehow ended up sorta squished between his neck and his cheek. My face was stuck there. Pinned, really. For some reason i decided that in order to make the position of my face make sense it was a good idea to kiss him.         ?         I'm not a hug/kisser. I mean, i know some people do it. And that's fine. Although i don't like the air kissers with the pat, pat, pat on the back. That's weird to me. But anyway, i just don't kiss people when i hug them. Not my thing. So, yah... i kissed him. He pulled away and gave me a smile. Noooooo!!!!!!!!! No, No, No! It was a mistake! So now, every time i see him do i have to kiss him?  Is that our THING now?   Oh gawd.....

Fire

Michelle and Banjo and I went camping last weekend for Banjo's 5th birthday. Yay! Fun! Right on the beach off Highway 1 above Bodega Bay. BEAUTIFUL! We set up our little tent, hung twinkly lights in the trees, and got out the special treat bag for our birthday girl. Fun! Fun! Fun! and then......... the first rain drop fell. Humm... maybe its just really thick fog? I mean, we ARE on the beach in Northern California. Certainly NOT bikini worthy. We continued on with the party until our eyelids were too heavy to hold open and then hunkered down for the night. I heard the beating raindrops on the roof of the tent all night. But I wished them away. Hoping that by morning this little storm would have blown right on outa town. When we woke up the next morning our little tent was basically a swimming pool. We were wet, the dog was wet, the sleeping bags were wet. I told Michelle that as fun as camping on the beach would be any OTHER time... we needed to get the hell outa there and dry off. "OK, OK.. she said but can you make a fire for us first and I'll brew a pot of coffee?"        UH........Make a fire?? In the rain??? I DO have that primal fire thing, I must admit. I'm very proud of my fire making abilities. That I can keep my little family warm. But come on...its raining! And the wood is wet! And the newspapers are wet! And the matches are wet! And..... I'M WET! She looked at me with those, "I'm counting on you to save the day" eyes. "Well, I'll try" I said. And she happily scampered away to pack up our gear. The dog sat there looking at me. Judging me. I got out the wet newspaper and wadded it up into balls, stacked the firewood in the perfect tee pee shape just like my dad taught me. And pulled a wet match out the wet match box. And tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to light the match. nothing.        tried again.      nothing.       Michelle kept stealing glances at me. "I'm trying!" I thought to myself. She smiled at me and went back to work rolling up our sleeping bags. UGH. Strike the match.. nothing. At this point I'm more than soaked. My shoes are full of water. The dog is standing in a foot of liquid. Judging me..........I finally gave up. Its impossible. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! So I sloshed over to Michelle and gave her the bad news. "I just cant make a fire in this storm. I CAN'T!" Her eyes welled with tears and said...................... "But all the OTHER campers have fires."

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......................epic fail.