Curling

Some of you Lucky Porkers might remember when I used soap on my arms as lotion. I really can't see without my peepers so I go on shape and placement of products in the bathroom. Well, things haven't changed much.... Here's a conversation I had with Michelle the other day. 

Me: (holding a tub of lotion and rubbing it on my arms)
Michelle: Why are you using THAT on your arms?
Me: Because my arms are dry.... duh
Michelle: But it's a hair curling product?
Me: ?

I'm not an Uber driver

Now that Lyft and Uber are all over the place I live in fear of strangers getting into the back seat of my car.

Weight watchers

Michelle joined weight watchers. I could stop there because that's a great punchline. BUT, I'll add this tidbit: On her first day she had cookies and said... 

"I think today will be a cheat day."

coffee

So I'm at the hardware store and I see this guy walking across the parking lot very slowly balancing a small coffee cup on the palm of his hand. He's being very careful not to spill. We are both walking toward the door and I can see that we will probably arrive at the same time. So I slow down to let him go first. As he nears the door I intentionally take a step back. He is still balancing the cup. He very carefully opens the door with his left hand while balancing his coffee on his right palm. He successfully opens the door and starts to walk through. The door swings back and hits his hand which knocks the coffee cup to the floor spilling its contents everywhere. He looks at me and says, "You're going to have to clean that up." and walks away.     ?

Giant Check

My New Year's Resolution for 2017 is to get one of those really big checks!

Beth

The guy at the lumber yard knows me. We say "HI" to each other. I always say "Hi, Paul!" and he says "Hi, Sara!" and we smile and wave. The last time I was there I thought he said, "Hi, Beth!" I kinda hesitated. Maybe I heard him wrong. Its a noisy lumber yard, after all. So I waved and smiled. I went wood shopping today and saw him in the distance. I said, "Hi, Paul!" and he replied, "Hi, Beth!"       Ugh. Its too late to correct him now. I am Beth.

it puts the lotion on....

Michelle is always hounding me about my dry skin. "Put lotion on!" Seems to be the three most used words in her vocabulary. Well, over the last week I was really good and put lotion on my arms and face EVERYDAY. She cant yell at me! Hurray! So this morning I proudly showed Michelle as I squirted the lotion onto my arms and rubbed it in!

She looked at me disapprovingly and said, "That's soap."