coffee

So I'm at the hardware store and I see this guy walking across the parking lot very slowly balancing a small coffee cup on the palm of his hand. He's being very careful not to spill. We are both walking toward the door and I can see that we will probably arrive at the same time. So I slow down to let him go first. As he nears the door I intentionally take a step back. He is still balancing the cup. He very carefully opens the door with his left hand while balancing his coffee on his right palm. He successfully opens the door and starts to walk through. The door swings back and hits his hand which knocks the coffee cup to the floor spilling its contents everywhere. He looks at me and says, "You're going to have to clean that up." and walks away.     ?

Giant Check

My New Year's Resolution for 2017 is to get one of those really big checks!

Beth

The guy at the lumber yard knows me. We say "HI" to each other. I always say "Hi, Paul!" and he says "Hi, Sara!" and we smile and wave. The last time I was there I thought he said, "Hi, Beth!" I kinda hesitated. Maybe I heard him wrong. Its a noisy lumber yard, after all. So I waved and smiled. I went wood shopping today and saw him in the distance. I said, "Hi, Paul!" and he replied, "Hi, Beth!"       Ugh. Its too late to correct him now. I am Beth.

it puts the lotion on....

Michelle is always hounding me about my dry skin. "Put lotion on!" Seems to be the three most used words in her vocabulary. Well, over the last week I was really good and put lotion on my arms and face EVERYDAY. She cant yell at me! Hurray! So this morning I proudly showed Michelle as I squirted the lotion onto my arms and rubbed it in!

She looked at me disapprovingly and said, "That's soap." 

Duck, Duck, Goose

I drove my dogs Banjo and Banana to a little lake near my house. I opened the car door and before I could put the leash on Banana (my little yellow Chihuahua) she LEAPED out of the car and ran toward the lake. There were about 10 Ducks and a Goose along the water's edge. OH NO! "BANANA!" I yelled! "STOP!" But she wouldn't be stopped. She was going to get one of those feathered creatures AND EAT IT! The ducks flapped their wings, leaped into the water and swam as fast as they could to the middle of the lake. Phew! Safe! But the Goose just stood there. He held his ground. Stoic. Banana reached the water's edge and walked up behind the Goose and.........and..........smelled his butt.

Detective

My mom sent me a little care package in the mail and inside were some documents she thought I might need like my birth certificate and social security card. When I pulled my birth certificate out of the box I noticed that the gold seal had been ripped off and taped back on. It aaaaaaaaaall came back to me...(cue flashback wavy lines and 70's music) I always loved when the detectives on TV would pull a leather wallet from their chest pocket and flip it open to reveal their shiny gold badge. They were so cool. One day while I was playing in the garage I stumbled upon something with a shiny gold star on it. THAT would be perfect to make my own badge! I quickly got work. I found some construction paper, crayons, scissors began coloring and cutting and taping and in a matter of moments I was ready to solve all the crimes of my block! I had a badge. I was a DETECTIVE! I ran into the house and found my mom. I stood before her and reached into my shirt and pulled out my paper wallet and FLIPPED it open to reveal my SOLID GOLD BADGE!            well, as you can imagine THAT didn't go over well. She grabbed my hand and took me back to the garage, found my ripped birth certificate and taped the seal back on. And that's exactly how it arrived some (a number too high to count) years later. But man, I sure was a cool detective for 5 minutes!

Above

I'm finding that my attitudes about mother nature and her creations are changing as I get older. For example this morning I saw a group of Ducks flying above me. In my younger days i would stare and marvel at their ability to fly in a perfect V formation. But now I just think, "Oh god! Don't poop on me!"